Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

Ghost Patroclus is out here telling Achilles to hurry up and bury his ass so he can go to Hades
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Achilles is out here dragging Hector's dead body from behind his chariot 😐😐😐😐😐

“As Hector lunged forward, fine Achilles drove his spear right there. The point pierced through his supple neck. And yet the ash-wood spear of heavy bronze did not cut through his windpipe, so he had the power to speak in answer to his killer.”

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“With this, he drew his bronze spear from the bank and left the dead man lying on the sand, robbed of his precious life. Dark water lapped around the body, soaking it, and soon the fish and eels were busily at work, nibbling at the fat around his kidneys.”

This is so detailed lmao

“Die, all you Trojans! All of you must die, until I reach the holy town of Troy. And you will run, but I will be behind you, slashing and slaying.”

Okay colonizer

“Lycaon had been using a sharp bronze blade to cut some fresh fig branches to make a chariot rail—but as he came out of his father’s orchard in the night godlike Achilles caught him unawares. He took him on his ship to well-built Lemnos and sold him as a slave to Jason’s son.”

Colonizer behavior

“This is far worse than if I found out that my father died in Phthia—where he must be miserable, shedding soft tears and missing me, his son.... The loss of you is far more terrible than if I learned that my dear son was dead, the boy whom they are bringing up for me on Scyros—godlike Neoptolemus—if he is still alive.”

And they were roommates??

So Achilles wants everyone to fight the Trojans without eating or resting just bc his bestie got killed and surprisingly, Odysseus is the voice of reason. Who would've thought??

“At this, a black cloud of despair engulfed Achilles. With both hands he scooped up fistfuls of soot and dust and poured it on his head, and rubbed the dirt across his handsome face. Black ashes settled on his scented tunic. He stretched his whole long body in the dust and lay there. With both hands, he tore his hair.”

I mean who told Patroclus to wear Achilles's armor and go ham on the Trojans???

“Hector, what other Greek will scare you next? You even ran away from Menelaus, who used to be so soft and weak in war....”

Bro what are these insults lmao