Aleia Mills ’s Reviews > Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother's Will to Survive > Status Update

Shutting myself in the tiny room with the toilet seems e a natural response to blaring emptiness pulling at me from every direction. Bathrooms were a good place to hide.

We work we love we do. And the stress of it all the exhaustion, leaves us followed. Ghosts of our former selves. I knew that at any moment, a breeze could come and blow me away

I became intrigued with how people coped. I snooped because I was bored, and , in a way, it became my own coping mechanism

If I ever had to I thought I’d give them a big tip and probably offer them food or leave them good smelling candles. I’d treat them like a guest not a ghost.

Everything melded into mindless movements And I spent time worrying about other happenings in my life

On the porch I went through a slew of emotions: there was anger, over getting paid near minimum wage to hand scrub shit off toilets.

But it opened my eyes to my job in a new way, that beyond the professional front, we secretly acknowledged the disgusting nature of our job.

I wondered what their story was. I wondered about all of my coworkers. What had happened to bring them here to this place of cleaning toilets for so little money.

Recovering from the trauma was also vital, maybe the most critical, but not only could no one help me with that, I didn’t know yet that I needed it. The months of poverty, instability, and insecurity created a panic response that would take years to undo.
My brain stomach and nerves were on high alert. Feeling like I was standing on a rug that could be yanked out from under me at any moment.

The police report the officer left was a validation that I wasn’t crazy. I carried it in my purse for months like a certificate.