Noel’s Reviews > Diaries, 1910-1923 > Status Update
Noel
is on page 259 of 521
There will certainly be no one to blame if I should kill myself, even if the immediate cause should for instance appear to be F.’s [Felice’s] behaviour. Once, half asleep, I pictured the scene that would ensue if, in anticipation of the end, the letter of farewell in my pocket, I should come to her house, should be rejected as a suitor, lay the letter on the table, go to the balcony, break away from all
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— 5 hours, 22 min ago
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Noel’s Previous Updates
Noel
is on page 266 of 521
Only this everlasting waiting, eternal helplessness.
— 5 hours, 19 min ago
Noel
is on page 252 of 521
What have I in common with Jews? I have hardly anything in common with myself and should stand very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe.
— 5 hours, 32 min ago
Noel
is on page 252 of 521
Uncertainty, aridity, peace – all things will resolve themselves into these and pass away.
— 5 hours, 33 min ago
Noel
is on page 227 of 521
Nothing, nothing, nothing. Weakness, self-destruction, tip of a flame of hell piercing the floor.
— Sep 03, 2026 05:03PM
Noel
is on page 224 of 521
To be pulled in through the ground-floor window of a house by a rope tied around one’s neck and to be yanked up, bloody and ragged, through all the ceilings, furniture, walls, and attics, without consideration, as if by a person who is paying no attention, until the empty noose, dropping the last fragments of me when it breaks through the roof tiles, is seen on the roof.
— Sep 03, 2026 05:01PM
Noel
is on page 219 of 521
It has become very necessary to keep a diary again. The uncertainty of my thoughts, F., the ruin in the office, the physical impossibility of writing and the inner need for it.
— Sep 03, 2026 04:57PM
Noel
is on page 213 of 521
This story, ‘The Judgement’, I wrote at one sitting during the night of the 22nd–23rd, from ten o’clock at night to six o’clock in the morning. I was hardly able to pull my legs out from under the desk, they had got so stiff from sitting. The fearful strain and joy, how the story developed before me, as if I were advancing over water. Several times during this night I heaved my own weight on my back.
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— Sep 02, 2026 01:17PM
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Noel
is on page 210 of 521
The hollow which the work of genius has burned into our surroundings is a good place into which to put one’s little light. Therefore the inspiration that emanates from genius, the universal inspiration that doesn’t only drive one to imitation.
— Sep 02, 2026 01:04PM
Noel
is on page 205 of 521
The invention of the devil. If we are possessed by the devil, it cannot be by one, for then we should live, at least here on earth, quietly, as with God, in unity, without contradiction, without reflection, always sure of the man behind us. His face would not frighten us, for as diabolical beings we would, if somewhat sensitive to the sight, be clever enough to prefer to sacrifice a hand in order to keep his
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— Sep 02, 2026 12:47PM
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Noel
is on page 202 of 521
Yesterday, behind us, out of boredom, a man fell from his chair – Comparison by Rachilde: Those who rejoice in the sun and demand that others rejoice are like drunkards coming from a wedding at night who force those they meet to drink the health of the unknown bride.
— Sep 02, 2026 12:27PM
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from all those who run up to hold me back, and, forcing one hand after another to let go its grip, jump over the ledge. The letter, however, would say that I was jumping off because of F., but that even if my proposal had been accepted nothing essential would have been changed for me. My place is down below, I can find no other solution, F. simply happens to be the one through whom my fate is made manifest; I can’t live without her and must jump, yet – and this F. suspects – I couldn’t live with her either. Why not use tonight for the purpose, I can already see before me the people talking at the parents’ gathering this evening, talking of life and the conditions that have to be created for it – but I cling to abstractions, I live completely entangled in life, I won’t do it, I am cold, am sad that a shirt collar is pinching my neck, am damned, gasp for breath in the mist.
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