Carla’s Reviews > Spare > Status Update

"You hurt my feelings, Meghan."

"When? Please tell me."

"I told you I couldn’t remember something and you said it was my hormones."

"What are you talking about? Oh, yes! I remember: You couldn’t remember
something, and I said it’s not a big deal, it’s baby brain. Because you’d just had a baby. It’s hormones."

"Yes. You talked about my hormones. We’re not close enough for you to talk about my hormones!"

"Granny, you know I love Meg very much, and I’ve decided that I would like to ask her to marry me, and I’ve been told that, er, that I have to ask your permission before I can propose."

"You have to?"

"Um. Well, yes, that’s what your staff tell me, and my staff as well. That I have to ask your permission."

I stared at her face but it was unreadable. At last she replied: "Well, then, I suppose I have to say yes."

We’d been playing with water balloons that day and we had a bunch of them lying about. Mummy quickly rigged up a catapult and divided the balloons among us. On the count of three we began raining them down on the heads of the photographers. The sound of her laughter that day, lost to me all these years, was back—it was back. Loud and clear as the traffic outside the therapist’s windows. I cried with joy to hear it.

You see… the pain… if that’s what it is… that’s all I have left of her. And the pain is also what drives me. Some days the pain is the only thing holding me together. And also, I suppose, without the pain, well, she might think…
I’ve forgotten her.

She asked me what I needed. Why are you here?
Look, I said. What I need… is to be rid of this heaviness in my chest.

I need…
I need…
Yes?
To cry. Please. Help me cry.