Matthew Buckmaster’s Reviews > Hollywood, Ending > Status Update

I think about how she told me once that after men have you, they don't want you anymore. I don't want to be that kind of man, but I'm terrified I'm going to be. I always recoil in the face of actual intimacy. It is so easy to say I love you, and so hard to let myself feel it.

I say that of course you bring your full self to a role, but I didn't learn anything from abuse that I couldn't have learned somewhere else, somewhere easier. Whether this answer is true is almost irrelevant to the experience of saying the words; all I know is that the answer, practiced dozens of times now, allows me to feel safe and sane.

"She said I was the last Truffula Tree in Lorax Land, and then she cut me down."

Someone told me once that when your mother is dead, you are living both lives—your life and hers. I live my mother‘s life even when she was alive

….

I do not want to want to be loved by strangers, but I do not want to want most of what I want.

So what.