Miele’s Reviews > All Fours > Status Update

That was how most change happened, not within one lifetime But between generations. … you had to let yourself be completely reborn within one life. Of course the danger was in risking everything, destroying everything, for nothing. As I had done tonight.

I wasn’t dead, But I was too much a soul.
I had weighted things too heavily in the direction of music and poetry, and my spirit, thusly animated, had come to think of itself as a full person. It did not understand how misshapen it was. … other people knew how to merge things; i was forever running back and forth between opposites, never in one place.

Why do such a thing? … This was the thinking that had kept every woman from her greatness. There did not have to be an answer to the question why … you had to withstand a profound sense of wrongness if you ever wanted to get somewhere new … my more seasoned parts Just had to be patient, hold their tongues … and give This new girl a chance.

Once, on a work trip… as I Walked around the suite i began to weep. … i began to panic - how would i live after This, now knowing? And then I became angry. Not at the fundamental injustice of luxuries built for an élite minority, no, Just that I was only staying for two nights. In the end it was fine. … i didn’t get to keep the paintings i saw at the Louvre, either

I lived there for six years.Its where i became myself-or at least a self that would last me a very long time.I never permitted and lovers to move in.I needed to Eat messily while reading,to sometimes not get dressed all day.To work in bed.To wake up in the middle of the night With the edge of something brandnew and reel it until dawn,then take a mentholated bath like a champ after a big fight.Then sleep,unmolested.

“The real fear was that we would forget each other. That was always my underlying fear: that someone i loved would look at me like a stranger. Or that I would take such a circuitous path away from someone that I could never find my way back to them. …. After two and a half weeks i might have to reintroduce myself to my child, But This was the heartbreaking kind of risk one had to take in life.”