keepupwithchris’s Reviews > Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict > Status Update
keepupwithchris
is on page 183 of 416
And often, in my imaginings, it wasn't actually how they were feeling anyway - it was a twisted projection of how I believed they might be feeling in my worst thoughts, which were designed with impressive attention to detail by my ever-versatile inner critic to make it seem like the friend in question might actually hate me or be furious for some relatively minor infraction I never even knew I'd committed. p185
— 20 hours, 33 min ago
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keepupwithchris
is on page 220 of 416
Holt-Lunstad and Uchino went on to do more studies in this area. In 2014, Holt-Lunstad wrote that “concurrent positivity and negativity in ambivalent friendships was associated with higher rates of depression and greater cardiovascular reactivity to stress. Uchino found in 2012 that that the more ambivalent ties a person has in their social network, the more likely they are to have shortened telomere lengths
— 5 hours, 30 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 219 of 416
In 2003, several thousand miles away from Ferrance's Naples, two psychologists from Utah called Julianne Holt-Lunstad and Bert Uchino conducted an intriguing experiment. They asked 102 participants to wear blood-pressure monitors for three days and to record every social interaction lasting more than five minutes, noting their feelings and responses.
— 5 hours, 34 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 216 of 416
And besides, it would be hard to leave, wouldn't it? Because he gets so angry, and you spend most of your time together trying not to trigger his rage and - here's the thing - you're normally so good at avoiding it. You're excellent at treading lightly on eggshells so that the thin membranes don't crack or splinter. You know how to do it, somewhere deep in your muscle memory.
— 5 hours, 41 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 215 of 416
had such an impact on your romantic life that you found yourself in an emotionally coercive relationship without realising that's what it was because not even the language existed back then. p215
— 5 hours, 44 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 214 of 416
Let's say you are someone who has grown up around unpredictable moods and atmospheres. Let's say you get so accustomed to the febrile nature of these shifting tensions that you begin to equate love with uncertainty, with the idea that you're never quite sure of what you might get. And let's say, hypothetically speaking, that this conflation- p214
— 5 hours, 45 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 209 of 416
(Frenemy) a friendship that is so confusing you never quite know what you're going to get.
They're the ones guaranteed to tell you a new haircut is interesting' rather than giving a straightforward compliment. They're the ones who are secretly threatened by your success rather than rejoicing in it. p209
— 5 hours, 56 min ago
They're the ones guaranteed to tell you a new haircut is interesting' rather than giving a straightforward compliment. They're the ones who are secretly threatened by your success rather than rejoicing in it. p209
keepupwithchris
is on page 193 of 416
you need to stand up for the things you believe are integral to lasting friendship and only admit those who respect the entry requirements and the code of conduct. If friendship is a nightclub and you are the manager, it is up to you to decide what kind of music you want to play, the crowd you want to attract and who you're going to throw out for acting like a drunken prat and ruining it for everyone else. p193
— 20 hours, 20 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 183 of 416
Conventional wisdom has it that thinking in this way is a form of thoughtfulness (look at empathetic little old me! Constantly worrying about everyone else!). It was a way of centring myself in a narrative that didn't, in truth, revolve around me. An unexamined part of me that preferred the idea of a friend being angry with me to the idea of a friend not thinking of me at all? p185
— 20 hours, 31 min ago
keepupwithchris
is on page 183 of 416
On a subconscious level, I think I knew that if I couldn't put a reasonable friendship boundary in place, then I needed the other party to do it for me. Otherwise I would end up imagining I had to take emotional responsibility for how my friend was feeling even if they didn't express it. p185
— 20 hours, 33 min ago