Troy Terwilliger’s Reviews > Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror > Status Update

“I believe many unexpected deaths occur when a person finishes one phase of life and must become a different sort of person in order to continue. The phoenix goes down into the fire with the best intention of rising, then falters on the upswing. At the point of transition, I came close to dying along with my other self.” (p. 56)

“Many survivors are terribly afraid that their children will suffer a fate similar to their own, and they go to great lengths to prevent this from happening.” (p. 56)

“The phenomenon of repeated victimization, indisputably real, calls for great care in interpretation.
For too long psychiatric opinion has simply reflected the crude social judgment that survivors "ask for" abuse. The earlier concepts of masochism and the more recent formulations of addiction to trauma imply that the victims seek and derive gratification from repeated abuse. This is rarely true.” (p. 55)

“These distortions are not easily corrected by experience, since the survivor tends to lack the verbal and social skills for resolving conflict.
Thus the survivor develops a pattern of intense, unstable relationships, repeatedly enacting dramas of rescue, injustice, and betrayal.” (p. 55)

“Contrary to common belief, victims of childhood abuse rarely resort to self-injury to "manipulate" other people, or even to communicate distress. Many survivors report that they developed the compulsion to self-mutilate quite early, often before puberty, and practiced it in secret for many years. They
are
frequently ashamed and disgusted by their behavior and go to great lengths to hide it.” (p. 54)

Mealtimes may similarly be times of extreme tension rather than times of comfort and pleasure. The mealtime memories of survivors are filled with
accounts of terrified silences, forced feeding (..) or violent tantrums (..). Unable to regulate basic biological functions in a safe, consistent, and comforting manner, many survivors develop chronic sleep disturbances, eating disorders, gastrointestinal complaints, (..)

“More commonly, the child idealizes the abusive parent and displaces all her rage onto the nonoffending parent. She may in fact feel more strongly attached to the abuser, who demonstrates a perverse interest in her, than in the nonoffending parent, whom she perceives inditterent.“ (p. 53)

This malignant sense of inner badness is often camouflaged by the abused child's persistent attempts to be good. In the effort to placate her abusers, the child victim often becomes a superb performer. She attempts to do whatever is required of her. She may become an empathic caretaker for her parents, an efficient housekeeper, an academic achiever, a model of social conformity.

“Just as routinely, the children refuse to be absolved of blame. Similarly, adult survivors who have escaped from the abusive situation continue to view themselves with contempt and to take upon themselves the shame and guilt of their abusers. The profound sense of inner badness becomes the core around which the abused child's identity is formed, and it persists into adult life.” (p. 52)