Arthur Graham’s Reviews > Prezident Scumbag!: A Sick Bastard Novella > Status Update

‘Nothing can stop the Sick Bastards.’

‘Another typical social justice warrior response,’ Mr Megaphone said. ‘You just can’t accept the well-reasoned argument that the heterosexual white man is superior to everyone else because we invented Western values such as Coca-Cola.’

‘You can show a man where the door is, but you can’t unlock it for him.’
‘Boot the fucker down then.’
‘That’s the spirit.’

I looked over to him. He was holding a spliff to his lips, an inch of ash ready to crumble at any given moment. His eyes were gazing through nothingness. ‘Anodyne nonsense,’ he said again. ‘Our culture is all just anodyne nonsense.’
I began to cut up me last line of whiz, one eye tight shut in an attempt to focus straight. ‘I don’t even know what that means.’

Everything is huge in America. The cars are huge, the homes are huge, the arses are huge.

I fucking hate airports nearly as much as I hate President Scumbag. From the moment you step inside them it’s about as much fun as having a migraine in your cock.

The fucking racist pea brains. They can wrap it up in whatever stupid fucking history lesson they want but we all know that it comes down to this: we have absolutely no control over how many warts end up being on our arses so stop acting like a cunt about it.

You’ve probably noticed that to the average English racist there’s England and then the rest of Mother Earth is Pakistan. Even Norway, probably. That’s how their pea brains work. You’ve got to feel sorry for them really.

Alfie’s one of them computer nerds who makes a hobby out of causing mischief on the internet. Apparently all the cool pups have hacker names and Alfie’s hacker name was Venom which he spells with the number 3 in place of the letter E probably because he thinks it makes him look hard.

Be average, play dumb and blame somebody else. That’s the British way.