Lena’s Reviews > Spectre's Rest > Status Update

This is like that scene in Aliens when it all goes to hell. I want to take off and nuke this spooky Shawshank from orbit - it's the only way to be sure.

‘Inspirational,’ she said as she went by. ‘Yeah, proper Braveheart stuff, that was,’ Oscar agreed. ‘Especially the part where you said “we’ll probably die”. They were eating out of your hand at that point.’

‘How come the Romans designed their buildings with effective central heating but the Victorians didn’t?’ he wondered.
'They probably thought that freezing your bollocks off was character-building,’ Oscar said.

‘Still, I’ve always thought that the key to surviving a battle is to arrive late and stand behind the side that’s winning.’

Hi mum, it’s me. Sorry I haven’t called, I’ve been under lockdown in a Victorian prison for supernatural beings because a vampire got murdered and a ghostly wolf has been chasing people around.

Oh Trev...

‘Look, I spent my morning fighting off a vampire and a banshee. If that doesn’t entitle me to a huge pizza, then something’s wrong with the universe.’

I’m an estate agent, not a SWAT team member, he thought. Unless “SWAT” is an acronym for “Slacker With Antisocial Tendencies”.
- oh yeah, that's Trev