Sarah (is clearing her shelves)’s Reviews > Hold My Heart > Status Update

ALERT ALERT ALERT

The ending is a major cliffhanger!!

'Seeing her lying there, I realised the truth. There was a reason she went missing the exact day I decided to grow a pair and confess to her my real feelings. It had to be all part of the grand master plan. The f*cking puzzle marker, as Lil called it, was sending me a message loud and clear: stay the f*ck way from her.'

Sure! God stole her from a field so you couldn't say "I love you.", that makes sense. smh

Outside, the sky is gray, small flakes slowing floating downwards.

That should be SLOWLY FLOATING, or just FLOATING as it's unusual to see something floating down speedily - that's usually called FALLING.

In the acknowledgements Soto thanks 4 people for their work editing this, personally I'd want to have a discussion with them about all these misses. Why didn't four sets of eyes see what my one did?

'Pain ceases my chest at the thought that I'll never see him again...'

I think that's meant to be 'seizes', otherwise the pain is ceasing (which means stopping) and that makes no sense in the context of the sentence - she's contemplating the idea of never getting back to 2013 and never seeing Tommy again.

'Doc and I have been brainstorming some ideas on how and why I came to be here. I figured since he's a medical doctor and I'm a behavioural science major, we should be able to figure how I ended up in May 1944 from October 2013.'

Yes, a 40s era doctor and a profiler should have NO trouble working out the physics of quantum mechanics and how the general and special theories of relativity apply. #facepalm

'"Well, luck will have it I'm a detective, so let's start at the beginning?"'

I thought you were an agent with the FBI. I didn't think the two terms were interchangeable and from all the FBI/police procedurals I've watched I wouldn't think an agent would be happy with being relegated to 'detective' status (and therefore only with the lowly police).

'Could it be the abandoned factory I passed while heading to the scene? This I have to see.'

Why? It's a factory that was abandoned after the push for war materials ended. Why is that so fascinating?

'After a few minutes, I decide this is the perfect opportunity to do some recon.'

Again, I've got to ask 'Why?'. There's nothing important about this place, not that you've told the reader, at least.

'I recall walking out here, blinding light, some mind of electromagnetic reaction.'

I think that should be 'kind'.

Early days, but I'm cautiously optimistic.