Arthur Graham’s Reviews > Horror Sleaze Trash: Prose in Poor Taste Vol. 2 > Status Update

There were two of them, all shiny hair and short skirts and earrings that looked like screaming fish mouths. They were smoking cigarettes in an ostentatious manner as they walked, as if by blowing toxins out of their puckered little mouths they might somehow transcend the emptiness of their bleak lives.

I make them look me in the eye when they come. Eye contact. Some guys like it, some guys can’t do it, and some find it humiliating, especially if it’s a married guy — guilty, guilty, guilty! Look at you, making it with a pip-squeak little girl you just met fifteen minutes ago! Come on, Mr. Man — you look at me. Now.

“You’re a pig. You don’t need a real woman, you just need a whore.”
“Are they not real women too, sweetheart?” I asked, laughing as I reached for the decanter to pour myself another drink.

Yo, like Poe, I was drinkin’ a cask of amontillado.

The sex robot I purchased was called Emily. She came in six parts: two legs, two arms, one head and one torso. The package included the tools required to build her. At first, I put her head on backwards for fun, but she wouldn’t power up until I put it back the right way. They were happy for you to screw the robots, but not to screw with them.

“Wake up, you dirty bastard! Wake up YOU FUCKING DIRTY BASTARD! WAKE THE FUCK UP AND FUCK ME!”

I have been told that I have an above average-sized penis, that I keep suspended in a jar.

The Herald Express nicknamed the killer ‘The Cartographer’, because he carefully wrapped each one of his victims’ bodies in old maps. Claudette was the fourth victim. She even looked pretty in the autopsy photo. No tattoos. No piercings. No life in her dead eyes. She had been wrapped in a map of Paignton; her spine was very slightly curved — just like Hyde Road.

“I didn’t think you’d show.”
She slid her curves into the booth, propped her umbrella against the table. “Why not? You intrigue me. No one’s ever asked me out for a Happy Meal before.”
“Well, if it makes you feel special, no one’s ever accepted my generous offer before, either.”