donna backshall > Status Update

Sad you have to deal with this.

YES! I’m dealing with the same thing!

SAME!!!! It is beyond annoying.

I agree. I also am greatly confused as to why so many (mostly men) here believe women on this site are available (or maybe they don't care about that...? O.O). There are MULTIPLE dedicated sites for dating. Let's stay on topic on GR!

I consider castration an option in dealing with the problem of men who don't understand boundaries.

WendyB wrote: "I consider castration an option in dealing with the problem of men who don't understand boundaries."

:D

Stephen wrote: "Sad you have to deal with this." It kind of ruins it for the rest of us, because now I'm going to be giving extra scrutiny to every friend request, and that scrutiny is mostly undeserved.

BAM wrote: "YES! I’m dealing with the same thing!" I blocked him as soon as he started asking to text (which I said I was NOT comfortable doing) and exchange pictures (yikes), so I can't look at who the current offender is also "friending". But I have to wonder if it's the same guy, or if there are many out there?

megs_bookrack wrote: "SAME!!!! It is beyond annoying." I am wondering if we got bothered by the same guy? I know there are probably lots of clueless guys giving it a go on here, but if you and I are friends, it would be easy for this particular offender to find both of us at the same time.

Donna wrote: "I blocked him as soon as he started asking to text (which I said I was NOT comfortable doing) and exchange pictures (yikes)."

OMG. That could be reason for flagging the profile, Donna.

Caroline wrote: "I agree. I also am greatly confused as to why so many (mostly men) here believe women on this site are available (or maybe they don't care about that...? O.O). There are MULTIPLE dedicated sites fo..." Yeah, I always try to keep my messaging in here on topic, but it never fails that there will be that one dude starting to ask if we can "move to texting instead" or "exchange photos". And then I'm like "You really had to go there?"

Can Goodreads remove these people from the website if you report them ?

Bill wrote: "Can Goodreads remove these people from the website if you report them ?"

I think they do, or at least issue a warning.

Bill wrote: "Can Goodreads remove these people from the website if you report them ?" I didn't really see a place to report this offender, so I just blocked, mainly to keep him from continuing with his requests. It would be good to know I could report him if he, say, created another account and came back again requesting pics or offline chat. He was a persistent one, so that behavior wouldn't surprise me.

See if Goodreads can help. If not you could always name the more persistent idiots to all your friends on Goodreads and we could all report them to the people who run the website and have them removed from Goodreads.

Donna wrote: "I didn't really see a place to report this offender, so I just blocked, mainly to keep him from continuing with his requests. It would be good to know I could report him if he, say, created another account and came back again requesting pics or offline chat. He was a persistent one, so that behavior wouldn't surprise me."

Donna, there should be a "flag this user" link on the profile. It's small, so look around for it. Unfortunately, if the user doesn't have an avatar image, the profile can't be flagged. (I'm not sure why.)

If you can't find the flag link or the profile has no avatar image, e-mail the user's URL to support at goodreads dot com. I've done that before. They do usually take action quickly with flaggings.

I was also having trouble like this. I've noticed lately though that there is no activity from him so maybe someone complained.

Donna wrote: "megs_bookrack wrote: "SAME!!!! It is beyond annoying." I am wondering if we got bothered by the same guy? I know there are probably lots of clueless guys giving it a go on here, but if you and I ar..."
It's happened to me a few different times. I always flag, block and immediately delete the emails. They creep me out! I hope the individual messaging you goes away. Did you block him?

I had a friend request the other day from someone calling me a “beautiful angle.” Must have missed my profile where it clearly says “married over 20 years with 5 kids.” Maybe if I change my picture to a couples picture it’ll stop?

(I know I don't know you but I wanted to comment.) Lol Omg I can't believe someone did that 😂. This is a book site people, not a dating app.

Audrey wrote: "I had a friend request the other day from someone calling me a “beautiful angle.” Must have missed my profile where it clearly says “married over 20 years with 5 kids.” Maybe if I change my picture..." Honestly, I don't think that would deter the more persistent ones, Audrey. This guy didn't ask if I was available, he just launched straight into wanting to text and send each other pics. He did not seem concerned I might be otherwise committed, never even asked. I never offered the info on here, because it wasn't relevant to my discussions of books.

megs_bookrack wrote: "Donna wrote: "megs_bookrack wrote: "SAME!!!! It is beyond annoying." I am wondering if we got bothered by the same guy? I know there are probably lots of clueless guys giving it a go on here, but i..." Yep, I blocked him, and I hope that does the trick. He was too pushy for it to be an honest mistake, so I hope he isn't making the same claims of "developing feelings" and wanting to move it off GR after exchanging a couple "hi" messages with the other women in his friends list. I did notice he altered his profile name and pic a couple times just in the week we were friends on here, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's pursuing others and failing, but not learning the right lessons.

Donna wrote: "megs_bookrack wrote: "Donna wrote: "megs_bookrack wrote: "SAME!!!! It is beyond annoying." I am wondering if we got bothered by the same guy? I know there are probably lots of clueless guys giving ..."Oh man, that stinks. Sorry that happened to you, Donna. It's just gross. :(

THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. I thought about putting something in my profile about it, but didn't want to seem like a jerk.

Michelle wrote: "THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. I thought about putting something in my profile about it, but didn't want to seem like a jerk." Me too! I briefly considered this too, but figured the same. The *ahem* "gentlemen" who needed to understand I'm not here for dick pics and hookups are the ones who'd indignantly dismiss a profile warning. All I'd be doing is alienating all the decent people.

I already have dirty guys flirting with me at work (saying rather nasty things, too...Just because I work in the auto industry does not mean that customers can talk to me like that). How I avoid any attention like that online is to simply post pictures of my dogs as my photo. I think they are much cuter anyways :)

Celtic's wrote: "I already have dirty guys flirting with me at work (saying rather nasty things, too...Just because I work in the auto industry does not mean that customers can talk to me like that). How I avoid an..." Not a bad idea. We foster (and adopt) senior and special needs cats, so I've got plenty of adorable choices for pics. I honestly thought that at the ripe old age of 55 I would have aged out of such nonsense finding me, but I guess there's no limit for the pervy ones.

Donna wrote: "This guy didn't ask if I was available, he just launched straight into wanting to text and send each other pics."

He hadn't even been talking with you first? I figured that was what had happened. Outrageous.

"He did not seem concerned I might be otherwise committed, never even asked."

I honestly think some of these guys couldn't care less. :|

Celtic's wrote: "I already have dirty guys flirting with me at work (saying rather nasty things, too...Just because I work in the auto industry does not mean that customers can talk to me like that). How I avoid an..."

Is there a Human Resources you can go to to report this?

ETA: Never mind. I thought it was your co-workers, but I see you said customers. How awful.

Caroline wrote: "Celtic's wrote: "I already have dirty guys flirting with me at work (saying rather nasty things, too...Just because I work in the auto industry does not mean that customers can talk to me like that..."
Just the customers. The men there treat the women kindly. Besides, I make them homemade cookies/brownies and they stay on my good side, or no cookies for them!

It's hard to believe that this kind of thing is still going on in the 21st Century!!! It will never change!

Donna wrote: “Celtic’s wrote: “I already have dirty guys flirting with me at work (saying rather nasty things, too…Just because I work in the auto industry does not mean that customers can talk to me like that…”

I also thought I was too old to be hit on, but guess not. And a lot of these guys are actually targeting victims to swindle money.

Audrey wrote: "Donna wrote: “Celtic’s wrote: “I already have dirty guys flirting with me at work (saying rather nasty things, too…Just because I work in the auto industry does not mean that customers can talk to ..." Well, then they're definitely barking up the wrong tree! What would they want me to buy them, an Audible membership? Just kidding, but seriously, we're on Goodreads, so how would they even approach me for money?

Teresa wrote: "It's hard to believe that this kind of thing is still going on in the 21st Century!!! It will never change!" Probably not, and it's so sad. If they weren't so obnoxious, I'd feel sorry for these clueless and desperate guys.

Donna wrote: "Well, then they're definitely barking up the wrong tree! What would they want me to buy them, an Audible membership? Just kidding, but seriously, we're on Goodreads, so how would they even approach me for money?"

Donna, it happens a fair amount on FB. I bet it does happen on GR, albeit on a much smaller scale:

"Facebook Connected Her to a Tattooed Soldier in Iraq. Or So She Thought"

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/28/te...

Caroline wrote: "Donna wrote: "Well, then they're definitely barking up the wrong tree! What would they want me to buy them, an Audible membership? Just kidding, but seriously, we're on Goodreads, so how would they..." Probably there are some people trying the same scam on GR, you're right. Most people will stop the messaging as soon as the exchanges veer off the acceptable subject of books, but it's a numbers game for the scammers.

There was a time on Facebook about a year ago where once a week some rando "man" claiming to have some ridiculously-named profession would send me a friend request. I accepted once out of curiousity, and the messaging was as persistent as the grammar was atrocious. I quickly put an end to that nonsense, because no "Senior Medical Orthopedic Surgeon" in Ohio would have such a tenuous grasp of American English. I know it happens, but I find it so hard to understand how people fall in love with a barely literate person they cannot talk with or see, and then send this ghost all their money. NOT victim blaming, just finding it hard to wrap my head around it.

Donna wrote: "There was a time on Facebook about a year ago where once a week some rando "man" claiming to have some ridiculously-named profession would send me a friend request. I accepted once out of curiousity, and the messaging was as persistent as the grammar was atrocious. I quickly put an end to that nonsense, because no "Senior Medical Orthopedic Surgeon" in Ohio would have such a tenuous grasp of American English. I know it happens, but I find it so hard to understand how people fall in love with a barely literate person they cannot talk with or see, and then send this ghost all their money. NOT victim blaming, just finding it hard to wrap my head around it."

Oh, yeah. That "Senior Medical Orthopedic Surgeon" situation has "scam" written all over it. :|

I find it very hard to understand too, except that the people they target usually are older or elderly (aka not as aware of how they can be scammed) and/or lonely. Like you, I think it's SO OBVIOUS that these people are scammers, but I guess the victims are naive, lacking in a large dose of healthy skepticism, and starved for romantic attention. It's downright tragic when they empty their savings for their online "boyfriend." I feel sorry for the families trying to get the victims to come to their senses. There's only so much they can do. :*[