Sonia’s Reviews > How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results > Status Update

performing. If they don’t excel, they might not receive the love and acceptance they need from you, the parent. How kind is that? So they funnel all their energy into succeeding, which might produce perfect grades but does nothing for their independence and sense of empowerment, let alone their kindness toward others.

You are the best model possible for your child. Why? Because the process of change is an incredibly powerful lesson. A child can’t learn this from a parent who’s perfect all the time (& of course no parent is), and they won’t learn it from a parent who repeats the same bad behavior over and over again. Consider yourself lucky: You have a golden opportunity. You can teach your child how to become a better person(...)

And then there’s anxiety and insecurity, some of the most debilitating behaviors we can model for our children, and unfortunately some of the most common.

We worry our child won’t succeed because of our own deficiencies; we hover because we’re afraid we’ve made a mistake.

So why do we insist on dictating? Why are we so controlling? Aren’t we trying to teach our children to function in a democratic society, to be able to live and work with others? The answer is we forget how important it is to let them practice having control, but that’s what we have to do as parents, for the health of our children and the whole family.

Sometimes, though, despite all our tenacity and courage, grit means knowing when to quit. Grittiness is needed even when it’s time to back down gracefully. It’s the skill that gives us the strength to make a change.

Remember, kids are adults in training.

Self-respect gives you the confidence to take risks and become independent. Without self-respect, you’re afraid. You’re obsessed with what other people think instead of following your own moral compass and your own passions. The number one regret people have on their deathbed is not pursuing their dreams and instead living a life someone else expected of them. Nobody wants this for their child.

I always say to my students, “Take your pick, but do something!” And I have the same advice for parents: Be open-minded and let your child lead the way.

Kids should take an active step to repair the trust they’ve broken. It helps them to understand the impact of what they’ve done. But I’m not mean about it. Having a sense of humor keeps me from rupturing a relationship. Yes, I do get upset, and there is a penalty—trusting doesn’t mean not holding kids accountable—but the punishment isn’t to revoke trust. It’s to enforce trust even more.

I intuitively knew to trust my daughters, but I realize it can be hard for parents to project a strong sense of trust that then empowers their children. What they often project is fear. They think their child'll be afraid to sleep by himself, that he needs his parents, that he can’t do it on his own. How do you think a child learns to become afraid of sleeping? From exactly this kind of thinking on the parents’ part.