Kelly > Status Update

Mmmm maybe they don’t really mean it to put you down. I mean I think a lot of guys talk like that to each other too. In fact they can be quite brutal to other men. Just look at male dominated threads and how they just rip each other new a-holes lol.

Oh wow, I have not had this happen on Goodreads, but I have seen the equivalent sooo many times in scientific conferences: Men often ask the most “questions” of a speaker, with these often showing themselves and their own ideas off more than truly seeking insight. By contrast, when women asked questions of the speaker, they usually did so with a great deal of self-effacement or even apology.

I don’t know what to suggest in the case of online comments... Maybe to simply ignore them? If it’s someone you know, it might be worthwhile to message privately and discuss, but otherwise I don’t think it’s worth considering further.

Yes that conference thing! That’s the genre of what I mean- a weirdly threatened dude who shows it passive aggressively. I mean either ignoring it or a simple “Thanks!” and moving on is what I do now. I think many times the dude himself is unaware of doing it, also, I agree, Bex. There is a lack of self awareness about why this sucks. I guess maybe trying to explain the impact it has on many women and why is more trouble than it’s worth? But if someone does have an easy flippant way of doing it that won’t start stuff I’d love to hear it.

Personally, I wouldn’t try engaging them because I would expect the commentator to become defensive and argumentative, or worse, and to deal with every such instance would be far more stress than I feel it is worth, but that’s up to you. No reason to say “thanks” though, in my opinion, as I would feel that was reinforcing the behavior and simply saying nothing seems already “nice” enough! ;)

I don't think I've experienced exactly that, but I have been told by dudes that I had to read certain works, which I hadn't even planned to read, before I could really understand what I was currently reading. I ignored it, and eventually the dudes went away. My sampling in this matter is unfortunately extremely skewed, however, by my preventing non-friend commenters on reviews as well as cutting my GR friends list down to size, but my peace of mind is worth too much for me to change either of those.

this is lazy & cowardly, maybe, but i tend to simply ignore comments like this. (if the issue is with someone who has a history of condescending comments i treat myself to some arrogance, like "ah yes, i, too, was really into 'Ulysses' when i was young & not very well read" but like ... that's just a more horrible aspect of my personality i guess. :'D)

Not surprised this was from a man. I am sorry!

Yeah sadly neither am I...You guys are probably right I should just leave it alone and ignore it. Not worth the energy. (I think even the Ulysses comment would get me into it with them in a bad way, but man I wish!! I do want to say that!!) I am just so so frustrated by some men infantilizing women and making them and their achievements smaller because they think this is a zero sum game of awesomeness and power or something. Its so gross and so exhausting. I’m glad you guys get what I’m talking about at least.

Luckily, with a masculine sounding name, I don't get this too much on goodreads.

The one that always stumps me is when self-published authors stop by on my 2-star reviews to thank me for my 'feedback'!

It's not feedback! It's not constructive criticism! I write reviews for my own pleasure, not because I enjoy contributing to other people's marketing campaigns! I'm never sure how to deal with those ones...

Yeah that’s awkward.... the overly personal reaction is rough. Especially when you know it’s probably born of desperation and all that... and yet yeah, dude, it’s just a reaction. I’m not your lit professor. Ugh.