Moriah Conant’s Reviews > Turtles All the Way Down > Status Update

“I wanted to tell her that I was getting better, because that was supposed to be the narrative of illness: It was a hurdle you jumped over, or a battle you won. Illness is a story told in the past tense.”

“It’s turtles all the way fucking down, Holmesy. You’re trying to find the turtle at the bottom of the pile, but that’s not how it works.”

“Because it’s turtles all the way down,” I said again, feeling something akin to a spiritual revelation.

“I wish I understood it,” she said.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Nobody gets anybody else, not really. We’re all stuck inside ourselves.”

“Actually, the problem is that I can’t lost my mind,” I said. “It’s inescapable.”

“I feel like a noose is tightening around me and I want out, but struggling only cinches the knot. The spiral just keeps tightening, you know?”

“I’m sorry it’s not fun hanging out with me because I’m stuck in my head with no way out, with no way to ever take a break from it, because that’s my life. To use Mychal’s clever little analogy, imagine eating NOTHING BUT mustard, being stuck with mustard ALL THE TIME and if you hate me so much then stop asking me to-“

“It’s so weird, to know you’re crazy and not be able to do anything about it, you know? It’s not like you believe yourself to be normal. You know there is a problem. But you can’t figure out a way through to fixing it. Because you can’t be sure, you know?”

“It’s so weird, to know you’re crazy and not be able to do anything about it, you know? It’s not like you believe yourself to be normal. You know there is a problem. But you can’t figure out a way through to fixing it. Because you can’t be sure, you know?”

“But I also knew I could be hurt by things that weren’t real. I knew that made-up things mattered, and could kill you.”

“Ayala wasn’t a bad person, just a useless one.”