Carly’s Reviews > Gypsy Truths > Status Update

"Of course," I say as though that makes perfect sense. "And the dragon's cemetery is a euphemism for what?"
They both stare at me, looking uncomfortable, as though they don't want to tell me there is no euphemism and an oops-have-we-never-told-you-about-dragons-before expression.
Awesome.
"So there are dead dragons-"
"Dragon," Emit is quick to amend. "There was only ever one."
"Well, that changes everything."

He breaks this kiss, breathing heavily as his hands grip me at the waist.
"As much as I would love losing myself in you, especially after the rough few days, I'm afraid I have to escort some wolves to the running lands. Also, there's a stamp on your forehead that spells 'LOSER,' and I'm finding it terribly distracting during this really intense moment."

"Something's amiss."
"What's not right is having briars stuck to your cock," Emit retorts from the woods, swearing vengeance on a prickly bush of some sort, given the rest of his muttered commentary that I barely pick up bits and pieces of
"If anyone's cock deserves to get stabbed by briars, it's yours," I assure him, distracted by the day's random events
"You should do better maintenance on your lands, Van Helsing."

"I want to know, damn it. I'm far too curious."
The frustrated vampire bangs on the door.
"Hurry it up in there. We've got more pressing matters to-"
He narrowly dodges a blade that stabs through the door, having been aimed at his forehead.
"That's rude," Arion states too carelessly. "On another note, this is decidedly his tie-on-the-door move," he adds, tapping the side of the blade.

As for my mission? I give up.
Waking Vance from this trance is impossible. I've tried absolutely everything I can think of.
I even did a sexy crawl across the ground, pretending I was Catwoman the entire time, given my outrageous leather outfit. I meowed.
I meowed at Vancetto Van Helsing.
I'm really glad he didn't see that.

"Why in the world do you want to marry me?" I ask, unable to help myself, because sometimes I can't make things make sense, if they make no sense at all to me.
"Because your vagina can handle a derailed train, apparently. I'm not sure that's bragging rights, bestie. I'm starting to think you're a bit of a basic slut," Anna chimes in from somewhere.
Vance casts some side-eye in her general direction.

Zuela's nose wrinkles.
"I really don't understand you boys. I'd cut a man's wanker off before I graciously let him use it on my woman," he confesses.
"We know," we all state in unison, vividly remembering him doing just that. Back when he was married to Vance's mother.
Who…didn't appreciate her lover's dick being removed for all eternity.
We all shudder in unison.