Nathan Wade Carter’s Reviews > Why Manners Matter: The Case for Civilized Behavior in a Barbarous World > Status Update

"One of the worst implications of the lack of manners in modern life is that it is now almost impossible to convey subtle messages to other human beings."

"There's a rebuke that's now out of fashion: 'Sir, you forget yourself!' It assumes that one's real self is not necessarily the base authentic creature. Rather, the real self is that artificial self, the thoughtful person who subscribes to higher standards of behavior. And it turns out that to be told you have forgotten yourself is actually something of a compliment–it assumes there's something valuable to remember."

"To regard manners as a mask that should desirably be cast off is the misunderstand the role they play. When you lose your self-control, when you explode in rage or anger, when you abandon your manners, you are not proudly revealing yourself, you are losing something, some key element of your personhood."

"I see manners more optimistically: the artifice as embellishment rather than a disguise. A way to enhance and illuminate the inner self, not to hide it."

No one ever talked to us about freedom. No one ever talked to us about our rights and liberties. On the contrary, we were trained to respect the rights and liberties of others. And, of course, the self-respect was deeply implied: this is how worthwhile people behave.

continued: it was the signal to make something up. If anything, the secret self, this self as yet unknown, could develop in free quietude, in the peacefulness of routine.

In a curious way, the boring and predictable regimentation of an ordinary childhood protected our privacy and unleashed our inner lives. People always seem to be poking into children's minds these days, encouraging them to express themselves. But a child is often not ready to express. Children need time to absorb, to soak the world in, to dream. I always discovered a creative feeling in myself when I was unoccupied;

How about something like: 1. Keep to the left (or right, depending on jurisdiction). 2. Keep your word, especially about time. 3. Wait your turn. 4. Look after the weak. 5. Obey the laws and regulations, unless you are mounting a campaign of civil disobedience. 6. Watch what you are doing: multitasking is the enemy of manners. 7. Show appreciation for the mind gestures of others; and 8. Most of the time, shut up.