Pipi’s Reviews > KinnPorsche > Status Update

"Why do you love me?"

"Ask again."

"Answer me."

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The stupefied gaze, the gaped mouth, and the silence that followed after, only broke my heart in pieces. It felt like a thousand knives stabbed me from the back.

And immediately after, my tears fell, as all of my piled-up emotions and frustrations burst out all at the same time.

The hug that I wanted so much before, today, I hate it.

It wasn't warm nor have felt like before. I was in so much pain that my heart has gone numb. And I don't think it will come around anytime soon.

I wanted to apologize to myself for being so weak.

Sorry for hurting myself again and again by thinking about him.

I'm sorry for pretending that I'm okay even though I'm not.

Inside I am traumatized that it was almost unbearable.

My eyes flickered as I felt the coldness washed all over my body. I took a grip on my chest and tried my best to hold my tears from falling.

I was so lost with the scene that I didn't know what to do or how to react. As if history repeated itself but this time, with a different impact on me. I felt a warm liquid fell on the side of my cheek before making my way out as fast as I could.

I asked in a rather stiff voice, but he only looked at me blankly. I have no idea what the hell I should feel. All I know was that every gesture that he does, hurts me deeply. Like a pinch on my guts.

But why do you have to be like this? Why are you acting as if I'm nothing to you?

Pissed at how possessive he can be, and how savagely he can overreact as if I did something he didn't like, but all of this shit still, he can only see me as one of his boy-toy and nothing else. And I don't know what hurts more. The fact that he accused me of whoring or the idea that he sees me only as his bitch.

"I know you might feel very angry with me. But it can't fix anything...only if I could go back in time...I don't want you to hate me. "

"..."

"Can I ask for one favor, please? ... Can you please stay?"

"Don't go until I ask you to... Can you?"

Suffering all my life, taking chances in every challenge, now I don't have anyone beside me, I don't have anything at all. Even my dignity left me. Do I still belong in this world?

"Hearing his voice gets me even more depressed."