Naaytaashreads’s Reviews > Love and War: Volume Two > Status Update

They tried to take her from me; the only girl I’ve ever wanted. The first to love me for me, bloodstained hands and all. The craving comes alive. Adrenaline feeds my racing heart. Rage flows through my veins. First comes love, and then comes war.

I lay my chin on the top of her head, freely thinking. It’s not the first time I’ve realized that with her, I’m the most peaceful. I’m happy, if that’s what this is. Less angry for sure. But there is a void. That void is one that she can fill, because she already has. We’re at a crossroads.

He’s been stumbling around lost for a long time, but the irony in finding a lost thing is that you don’t know it’s lost when you find it, and that’s usually the time when you need it the most.

“Because I’m giving him the one thing he was never given before: options. And I’m making sure our baby never goes through what we did: parents that don’t want it. When I know he wants us both, and loves me, then I’ll run back to him and never leave again. I need to know it’s more than his need for control.”

“I’m good here. She won’t come home. Her smell is there, some of her things. It’s not warm anymore. Nightmares are back. When she left, they returned. It’s not the same sleeping alone.”

“Kross, you don’t owe me anything. We aren’t together. I chose to keep it. I’ll take care of it. You made your decision and I respect it. It’s just not the one I can make.”
“We are together.”
“No, we’re not.”
“We are together.”
“Kross—”
“We are together, Delta. I never told you to leave.”

“If there were ever a moment when I knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved me, and he wanted this, even after everything he said, I’d go back. But until then, I’m giving him what he asked for. I’m showing him a life without us in it. I have to stand strong. I have to protect our baby. Because once it’s here, I have to know one hundred percent that it’ll always feel wanted, unlike me.

I turn for the twentieth time in the last hour. I’ve counted. Every single time. The whole damn house smells like her. The bed is cold. It’s too fucking quiet; the sound of madness. For the first time, I can actually hear the slight buzzing of the neon light hanging on the wall.

I have Delta. Delta is enough. She’s mine. All mine. In some fucked-up way she gets me. She knows when to push and when to stop. She smothers the solitude without forcing me to wade into a sea of people. I can’t lose her.