David’s Reviews > Male Tears > Status Update
David
is on page 7 of 288
Oh god…
“The machine growls and purrs and whirs as mechanical side-fingers comb the earth like a plough on an ox’s yoke, but so much faster and neater and without blisters or strained muscles.”
His simile for a huge modern farming machine is… a plough? And it’s like a plough - but - it’s faster and neater… because it’s a modern farming machine!?!
I hate this writer’s sentences so far.
— Mar 17, 2023 08:13AM
“The machine growls and purrs and whirs as mechanical side-fingers comb the earth like a plough on an ox’s yoke, but so much faster and neater and without blisters or strained muscles.”
His simile for a huge modern farming machine is… a plough? And it’s like a plough - but - it’s faster and neater… because it’s a modern farming machine!?!
I hate this writer’s sentences so far.
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David’s Previous Updates
David
is on page 3 of 288
Page 3: “Every morning he feels dwarfed by its presence and quietly in awe of the ten thousand components that have gone into creating this piece of equipment more intricate and complex than a human skeleton.” Ugggggh Uggggggggghhgh.
— Mar 17, 2023 07:56AM
David
is starting
Cause I’ve been reading more lately I’m getting pickier and pickier about writing that annoys me.
Page 1: “He pauses and watches as the hare takes long strides towards the safety of the hedgerow’s shadows at the far edge of the field, the taut sinews of its legs flexing.” Ugh. Ugggh.
— Mar 17, 2023 07:55AM
Page 1: “He pauses and watches as the hare takes long strides towards the safety of the hedgerow’s shadows at the far edge of the field, the taut sinews of its legs flexing.” Ugh. Ugggh.
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Jackie
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Mar 17, 2023 08:49AM
Haha, you reckon you'll finish it?
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Well the first story turned out strongly - surprisingly so actually. I really hope the writing improves but based on the first story I might stick with it and try to ignore the writing detail as much as poss. Not sure yet but a mixed start.
