kaitlyn’s Reviews > decolonizing non violent communication > Status Update

that thing about the derealization / disconnection in group. author says, "the more I know myself, the easier it has become to understand abusive dynamics...boundaries...choose people who amplify a sense of abundance..."

i feel centered in these words, i hear and feel the way forward is inward. imagining it like concentric circles turning inward on a donut hole and outward from the bottom like a Dr. Seuss drawing

"Within the context of abuse dynamics, I have found that these tools have a place - not in connecting to my abuser, but in remaining connected to myself. People change because they want to, not because we way the right thing. The more I know myself, the easier it has become to understand abusive dynamics ..., to set boundaries, and to choose people who amplify a sense of abundance and healthy connection in my life"

"I may use these tools to expand my compassion for the underlying needs behind their behavior, but I will only do this if I am operating from a place of choice that is centered within me."

absolutely infatuated with the phrasing of this concept. this is a phrase i want on my lungs to breathe my thoughts through and settle out the grit

"... all people are doing the best they can at all times - it may simply be that their best is not good enough for me."

wow i don't think I've seen this before with such permission to disengage. yes. this resolves the holdup i've felt in myself and existing in this space with others. the generous assumption, and to uphold the personal boundary to the behavior as well.

"I use these tools to assess whether I am living up to my own definitions of violence and non-violence, which may include behaving violently towards myself. I do not use these tools to label or describe somebody else's actions as violent or non-violent."

author then ties back to the generous assumption, same concept i've encountered most recently in Unreasonable Hospitality a couple days ago.

"I regret nor listing these acknowledgments in the first edition, and also for not making clear that many of the tools offered in this book did not originate with me."

wow this is so true of now that i think of it, any way in which i have output generated in this world. i am so grateful to have encountered this writer at this juncture. i'm learning so much about how to do the output the way i mean!

"I received this [chili pepper scale] tool from Shannon Casey who received it from Professor Rosana Alvarez who received it from an elder"

https://shannoncasey.net/

That was an awesome sentence of citation. Not to just cite where it came from most recently, but as far back as it can be traced. power! and true credit so we understand where our worldviews come from

"Using a chili pepper scale can be helpful... For example, you may start with conflicts or memories that have the emotional charge of a sweet bell pepper."

beautiful

"I invite you to do this workbook in collectives or small groups."

another goal is to find myself and be able to keep that found self in groups. so often i loose touch with that and then loose touch with the experience. what is that. why does the self slip away when all of a sudden i am surrounded by other selves. patience patience patience

"NVC is not a panacea to heal all systems of harm, but I do believe that these tools can contribute towards building a world where the words that exit our lips embody the values we hold within."

usually in some sort of overwhelmed reactive / hosting? state. i abandon my learning and mirror whatever sticks out, usually finding demons of myself or situation i accidentally explore without my higher selves involvement