Maria Vargas > Status Update

Aidan loves me and I love him, but that doesn’t mean we’ve healed each other. Pain is still real. Black is still black. The only difference is that we’re both still there at the end.

❤️❤️❤️

I can’t heal him, and I don’t want to, but I’d do anything to take away his pain.

😭😭😭

Ludo tips his head back and laughs and I decide that I am totally and ridiculously in love with him.

😭❤️

He’s with me because he wants to be, not because we’ve been forced together by blood and pain.

He doesn’t deserve to care about me. It will only hurt him and then hurt me when he can’t take it anymore.

I’ve been crying the entire book 😭

“What’s different about me?”
He smiles, just a little. “Everything.”

Oh Ludo! 😭😭😭

“Aidan.”
“No.” He shakes his head and buries his face in his hands. “You’re not real. Leave me alone.”
“I am real.”
“You’re not. You never were.”

💔😭

Perhaps it’s not Ludo I’ve been missing after all. Perhaps it’s myself.

😭😭😭

Lacking any better ideas, I lay my head back down, and my eyes fall closed like weighted shutters. I am tired, and something—everything—about Aidan’s silent company makes me feel safer than I have in a long time.

Ludo is finding some peace… ugh I’m going to cry soon 😭

“Last time what?”
“Last time I fell.”
I stare. Again. “How often do you fall?”
“For real or metaphorically?”

I’m going to be emotionally destroyed 😭