BWT > Status Update

Filing this under life's too short. Tapping out. Maybe I'll pop back one day and try again. Probably not though.

You should know that there’s a pool underway to see who gets to come kick the shit out of you first. Now, personally I’m thinking that fat Gladys from Accounting could do quite a number on you with those great big ole platform shoes of hers.

The fuck? "Fat" Gladys? Are you kidding me? Strike two, sir.

Somehow we continued to talk. We laughed. We talked some more. We laughed some more. And we drank a couple of mai tais. Did I mention that we drank mai tais? We drank mai tais. And they were gooooood! So good.

I think I spoke too soon. This is starting to look like a train wreck.

Where had the day gone? Oh, right, drooling over Kyle’s naked body and then hanging on his every word just like I wanted to hang on his dick of death.

"Dick of death"?? Not a great descriptive, buddy. Not at all. Authors: take note of this, and don't do it, please?

So I frequently opened my mouth and firmly planted my foot in it without intending to do so. I was really, really, really glad I hadn’t done that yet with Mr. Tall, Dark, Handsome with No Body Issues and Dick of Perfection. But then, I’d only known him for maybe six minutes, so there was plenty of time yet to fuck it up...

Logic told me that dropping to my knees and sucking the guy’s dick—uninvited and in a locker room filled with mostly straight men—would probably not be conducive to staying alive with all of my teeth in place. Oh, but what a way to go! I’d die with a toothless smile on my face!

I was a professor of penis, a connoisseur of cock, a devotee of dick, an epicure of erections. I had made it my life’s work to worship the male member.
So have I, Joseph, but you don't hear me bragging about it. *snickers*

And I’m not short. At five feet five inches tall, I’m basically average height. Wait. Since when is 5'5" average for a man?