Exina’s Reviews > Pearls Awaits the Tide: A Pearls Before Swine Treasury > Status Update

"Hello?"
"Hi... is this Richard there?"
"Yeah. This is him."
"Oh, great. We just finished painting your Porsche and were wondering if you need us to do anything else."
"Yeah. Gimme polka dots on the sides."
Goat: "Some people just say 'wrong number'."
Rat: "More fun my way."

Goat: Okay. Go ahead.
Pig: 74B Sb6 1e7
Goat: Is there more?
Pig: Yeah. 67jK:3%@XYA34LXB1ppi4MmN2%7xy2IIxoP2jpl14:227o@ZpzaMno44p3mnel§;,lx.3.AEpa7613210000ptz%/xt3pzxAL273/45630pbtg32g3
Goat: You could probably simplify your wifi password.
Pig: Hang on. Almost halfway done.

OMG, a Charlie Brown cameo!

Pig is my favorite.

"I just finished playing a word game all day on my phone and right now I have 624 wins. Do you know what the next highest player has?"
"A life?"

"You been watching any reality TV lately?"
"No. I don't like being exposed."
"To TV?"
"Reality."
"I didn't know that was an option."
"Come. Join me in self-delusiontopia."

Rat: It's so hard to stay informed in a democracy. One side says one thing. One says another. And you just don't know what the truth is.
Goat: Very true. Democracy asks a lot of its citizens. So what are you gonna do about it?
Rat: Give up and watch cat videos.

A summary of how pretty much every tweet on Twitter works:
Be outraged about this thing I want you to be outraged about.
Nothing happens.
Goat: And yet we keep tweeting.
Rat: Definition of insanity.

Oh, the FOMO...
My favorite from this guide is "FOFO - fear of family occasions".

Rat's recipes for disaster
Take half the people who worked in the news industry in 2001 and eliminate them.
Replace them with billions of people whose only qualification is having a computer.
Sometimes I miss real journalism, too.