Josephine’s Reviews > Hoodwinked > Status Update

So… On a whim, looked up the uncredited illustrator whose signature is in the OIL PAINTED COVER ART (!!!) and learned Joe DiCesare also made “Photorealistic texture maps for the film Star Wars: Episode I” and for SHREK, Polar Express, and other Imageworks movies. Did I mention he works at DREAMWORKS?! WHAT EVEN IS THIS?!

“I don’t want to marry you, even though you expressly want it. I don’t care about your religious views on premarital sex. I’m touching you when you said not to. And now I’ve got a pregnancy fetish.” I might barf and pass out.

I have mixed feelings about going through puberty with internet access, but Im glad I didn’t end up with some jerk mansplaining sec to me in my 20s.

Sooo… You’re you g to get pissed in the middle of making out, accuse her of trying to trap you, and then say you’ll pick her up tonight? You’ve got to be a shmuck.

She told you it was too soon and you kept taking her clothes off. I read this in middle school!

Unplanned sex never happens when you’re lounging around in silk underwear. It happens when you’re wearing the underwear you should Probably Throw Away.

I’ve never lived in a duplex, but apparently part of the appeal is the high or hearing you wake up screaming and him running over to comfort you by grinding on you. Was pepper spray invented in 1989?

Pro tip, Maureen: when a dude shows up at your house in the middle of the night and yells at you to let him in, I don’t care how hot he is- call the cops.

It’s like Gift of the Magi if nobody cared about each other and everyone involved was stupid. “I thought *YOU* were the spy!”
“I thought *YOU* were the spy!”