Alastair ’s Reviews > Boyfriend Material > Status Update

I stood at the sink and did that thing people do in movies where they brace themselves on the counter and stare meaningfully at their reflection. Turns out, it didn’t help. It was just a dick, looking at a dick, asking why he was always such a dick.

“But you’re cheerfully going to sit there and watch me chow down on bits of dead animal like some kind of creepy carni-voyeur?”

“Don’t worry. Plenty more options.” A pause. “Just give me a moment while I think of them.”

Oh hello, rock bottom. Nice to see you again. Do you want to be my boyfriend?

“You really do own your illiteracy, don’t you?” “Yeah, I’m thinking about moving to America and running for public office.”