Erin’s Reviews > Living the Life Unexpected: How to find hope, meaning and a fulfilling future without children > Status Update

Childlessness is not all of your story or the end of your story — it is the start of a new way of life — the life unexpected.

And equally of value.

After all we’ve lived through and all we’ve endured and with maternal hearts that long to give to others, why 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 we go quietly into the night?

We have scars on our hearts but fire in our souls so why should we care if we don’t look young anymore?

Whilst the idea of ‘meaning’ can seem like a lifebuoy in the stormy seas of childlessness, you don’t need to make a grab for every flotation device that comes into view; you just need the one with 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 name on.

There is a subtle pressure that because we are childless we have the space in our life to do something extraordinary. But the fact is, we don’t have anything to ‘make up for’ because we haven’t had children. That’s just more shame talking.

However, looking back on it now, I can see that parcelled up in that plan was a mixture of romanticised tragic glamour, an escape from the reality of my pain and a desire to have my loss witnessed and understood by others through heroic sacrifice: part of what I now term the ‘Mother Teresa Complex.’

It’s only afterwards, when we’re out of the chrysalis, that we can look back and say, ‘I’m really glad I’m not a caterpillar anymore; that was worth it.’ But until then, we have to have a lot of faith that at some point, things will make more sense.

• Creating your Plan B is about taking responsibility for yourself and letting go of the idea that someone or something is going to save you.

We need to get off the sidelines of our life, and become our own heroine again.

And that’s what Plan B is all about: creating a new life for ourselves that has meaning, passion and purpose at its core.

The word ‘psychosomatic’ is often bandied around like some kind of slightly distasteful neurotic habit, but with it the medical profession acknowledges that the mind is capable of creating physical symptoms that are genuine — that an illness can be, in part, created by the mind.