Danny’s Reviews > Walking After Midnight: One WomanÆ Journey Through Murder, Justice And Forgiveness > Status Update

Once I abandoned that inner conflict, I was able to see I was a spiritual person if not a religious one. The peace I derived from quietly drawing into myself and tapping my own strength is what led me to forgive. First I forgave myself for moving past Bob's death and not being the living memorial to him that some thought I should be.
Then I forgave Ryan. I wanted him to have a life beyond all this He is not his crime

For me there are no "sides" in all of this, just loss and waste all around. If our society spent less time blaming and dividing when faced with conflict, wouldn't we be in a better position to find solutions that more closely meet our mutual needs? And isn't working with the people who come at the problem from farthest away what builds true community?

The thought of Ryan's facing a long and isolated term in jail does nothing to make me feel safer or any better equipped emotionally to handle living with Bob's death. In contrast, my hope that Ryan may now receive the help he needs to face his demons and create a new and healthy life for himself does give me some sense of safety and healing.

people assume that somehow the criminal justice process will bring us closure. Whoever came up with that idea could not have been a victim. There will never be a process or meeting or ritual or anything that will close the wound…or make what we have been through any less traumatic. We all have to learn to live with what has happened and find a place in our hearts to contain the sorrow, for it will last forever.