Erin’s Reviews > No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One > Status Update

In a way, I consider Jimmy to be very courageous. He faced death eye to eye—he controlled his destiny, not the other way around.

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” —Common adage

…the solution to the puzzle of suicide lies exclusively with the people who have killed themselves, rational explanations and logical conclusions are of little comfort to survivors. We are unsettled and confused in grieving for the very person who has taken our loved one’s life. Guilt and blame serve to offer us a context for our mourning, connecting us to the experience of death by including us in the process.

Not only do survivors feel powerless and inadequate in the face of suicide, we also feel hurt and betrayed by our loved ones for making such an irrevocable decision without consulting us or turning to us for help.

The decision to commit suicide creates a sense of utter helplessness for those of us who are left behind. In order to maintain a sense of control, we often blame the deaths of our loved ones on actions 𝘸𝘦 took or omissions 𝘸𝘦 made.

It is very distressing for suicide survivors that the 𝘩𝘰𝘸 of our loved one’s deaths, as Annie describes it, comes to represent the sum total of their lives. Even as we move cautiously to reveal the truth about their suicides, we still remain defensive about their decision to take their own lives.

Coping with any death is traumatic; suicide compounds the anguish because we are forced to deal with two traumatic events at the same time.

“I refuse to make two tragedies out of this,” says Carol, a woman whose husband drowned himself when she was nine months pregnant. “As much as I want to die, I know I want to live. The choice is as simple as that.”