Debbie Roth’s Reviews > Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex > Status Update

I don’t remember what I was rushing to that day, but I do remember every moment in Robert’s arms, the feel of his chest against my face, and his body leading mine until our rhythms melted into one being…I narrate this special moment to remind you to take time with your lover…and never take for granted that there will always be time later on. There won’t. Now is all we have.

Here’s why I rejected some of my “matches.” • Leo wrote that he was looking for a “soul mate to love forever” and then mentioned that his dog had passed away and “no one can replace that void.” • Alex, who’s 5’ 3” and makes less than $ 20,000 a year…“reads women’s magazines to study the opposition.” • Donald said “Iooking for a woman who will finish the job…mother and sister started, turning me into a full female.”

But everyone grieves and heals differently. Some jump quickly into a new relationship; others never do. Most date again, and many find new loves. Some never feel they’re ready. As grief counselors assured me, whatever you’re feeling is normal. Whatever you’re doing about it—or not doing about it—is normal. Feeling sexy is normal. Not feeling sexy is normal. Not knowing what you feel is normal.

Occasionally though, I get a…comment such as: “hello…i would love to be in a sexual relationship with no strings attached. unfortunatly i have no idea how to go about this. can anyone offer me any help please”…I didn’t make that up. When I hear from young men who are in too much of a hurry to proofread, punctuate, or use the shift key, I wonder what they think they have to offer a slowburning, older woman?

I realize your wife has not accepted the idea of getting help, but have you consulted with a relationship-and-sex therapist by yourself?…I am sure you would be amenable to attending sessions with Sarah to help her feel supported…find courage to talk about these private matters. A book to help you look at how you can approach this kind of difficult communication is Your Perfect Right, by R. Alberti and M. Emmons.

For women, sex doesn’t always begin with lust, but instead starts in our hearts and minds.