A Cup of Tea on the Commode Quotes

“Somehow the conversation drifted to G-string bathing suits (or as I call them, “anal floss”). We talked about their popularity and who would—or who should not—be jumping on that fashion bandwagon. Mom was completely in the dark. “What’s a G-string?” she asked.
The girls described them in detail.
“G-string,” Mom replied. “I’d need two Gs.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“When promoting Grandpa Po’s Originals at Whole Foods Market in West Hollywood, a young man attempted to down the entire sample cup of the crunchy golden nuggets in one gulp and started choking. I leaned in and whispered, “You’re gonna kill my business if you die here. Can you do it over in produce?” He burst out laughing and spit out a hull. I saved his life, and he bought two bags in gratitude.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“Neither of my parents swore. When Mom got mad, she’d say, “Nincompoop, I’m fed up,” or if absolutely furious, “I’m so angry I could spit.” When Dad got angry, it seemed like food came to mind. He said things like “Chowderhead,” “You’re full of soup,” or he replaced “hell” with his favorite meat: “Get the ham out of here.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“While renovating her house, everyday she asked the same question. 'Who's paying for all that?' I said, 'You are so cheer up, you might have to go back to work.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“The doctor was sure Mom had Alzheimer's. I turned to her and asked, 'Mom you don't have Alzheimer's do you?' She shrugged and said, 'I don't remember.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“One day she asked, 'Why do you treat me so well?' 'Because you're my mother and you deserve to be treated like a queen.' After finishing her tea she burped. 'But queens don't do that.' She smiled and said, 'How do you know?”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“One day she asked, 'Why do you treat me so well?' 'Because you're my mother and you deserve to be treated like a queen.' After finishing her tea she burped. 'But queens don't do that." She smiled and said, 'How do you know?”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“To cheer up my Irish mother I did the Riverdance, which my Mom laugh but made my shins cry.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“I gave my mother her first bubble bath in years, but she passed out in the tub. Great, I try to do a good thing and I kill my mom. At least she smelled good.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“I knew a psychic in Hollywood who suffered from dyslexia. She could only predict the past, but she was very accurate.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“When beginning any new adventure focus on finding the joy. It makes the ride so much more pleasant.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale

“Little did I know when I embarked on this journey that Mom would be the least of my troubles.”
― Mark Steven Porro, A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom. And How I Survived to Tell the Tale