Caprice Crane > Quotes

“Love is pretty much a decision anyway. Just like happiness. You can decide to either love someone or not, be happy or not. The rest is just commitment to the idea.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Yesterday I had a woman ask me what kind of salad dressings we have. I told her we have sesame soy dressing, spicy lime vinaigrette, and blue cheese. She made a face and asked, 'Is that all?' 'Yes,' I told her, 'those are all of our dressings.' 'Don't you have any other dressings?' he says. I mean, what the hell? What does she think? That I'm holding out? I was tempted to say, "No, we actually have an entirely different assortment of dressings that I don't tell people about the first time they ask, because they don't deserve these great secret dressings. But now that you have proven your worth, I will show you to the VIP room, where the array of salad dressings will dazzle and delight you.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“All of my most significant moments somehow involved music. It's like my life was a John Hughes film and somebody had to put together the perfect soundtrack.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“People make changes in their life, and they blend and assimilate. They find a way to make it work. That's where I've always taken the wrong turn. By not taking a turn at all.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Wendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, "I've got herpes. I thought you should know.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“If you measure your happiness by the amount of liquid you have in your glass, you are either a cliché or an alcoholic.”
― Caprice Crane, With a Little Luck

“You need a little bit of the crazy to keep things fun.”
― Caprice Crane, With a Little Luck

“Check her out. She‟s fuckin‟ hot.”
“Wedding band,” I say.
“She sings in one?"
“No, jackass. She's wearing one.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Don't sit back and be a bystander of your own life”
― Caprice Crane, Forget About It

“I learned to accept my family for who they were and understand that, though they might be limited in certain areas, they all had good qualities that I could appreciate.”
― Caprice Crane, Forget About It

“you can have one of mine," he says. "i'll yank one out right now."
no, that won't count. It has to be the lash that naturally falls out. "

He gets on his knees and starts looking for my lash.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Picture the person who intimidates you most. Now picture them crouched like a dog, pooping on the sidewalk, looking up at you, all vulnerable. We all poop. Maybe not on the sidewalk, but nobody is better than you and don't let them think they are for a minute.”
― Caprice Crane, Confessions of a Hater

“The smile that spread across my face felt like sunshine warming me from the inside out”
― Caprice Crane, Forget About It

“Because I demand to be treated like the unique snowflake I am.”
― Caprice Crane

“And it's not that Pearl Jam was any more amazing than anyone else. I think we just liked who we were when they were who they were.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Someone once said, People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They forgot one other option: Some people come only to give us their contact information, let us know that we really need to get together sometime, and why don’t we give them a call?”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier.”
― Caprice Crane

“I tend to think the good outweighs the bad. Then again, I try to be a glass-half-full person. Although I stand by my theory that if you measure your happiness by the amount of liquid in your glass, you are either a cliche or an alcoholic.”
― Caprice Crane

“it's 4:21 am. He's gotta be done having mind-blowing-knock-your-dick-into-your-watch-pocket sex with her, and she's probably spooning with him right now. Ugh, it makes me sick. I'll bet he's in front, too, the dick. Anyone would know that Heaven is supposed to be the little spoon, but he's probably making her be the big spoon.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“The character doesn't even come out until people are tested and be put in extreme situations and most people spend their lives trying to avoid those kinds of situations.”
― Caprice Crane, Forget About It

“Most of the time, I feel like a total fraud. Like I have no idea how I’ve made it this far without the world figuring out that I have no idea what I’m doing or that I’m relying on some sign or the fact that I glanced at the clock at 11:11 or the fact that Paul McCartney’s “With a Little Luck” was playing on the radio when my alarm woke me up to give me a little extra confidence that “we can make this whole damn thing work out.” This “whole damn thing” being my life.”
― Caprice Crane, With a Little Luck

“One moment follows another. Next comes from previous. So you have to stay on your toes. Protect yourself. Listen to that little voice inside you that says, “Don’t do that! You won’t like the consequences.” Look at all the stuff that’s happened to you along the twisting road of your life—good and bad”
― Caprice Crane, With a Little Luck

“When Nirvana came onto the scene, they pretty much saved music.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“What made pigs different? Why were they bred for food and held in captivity, while dogs and cats were welcomed into our homes and treated like family? Aside from physicality, we could see no difference between her and our dogs.”
― Caprice Crane, Esther the Wonder Pig: Changing the World One Heart at a Time

“I didn't want to accept failure. Even though sometimes the strength it takes to admit failure is probably worth as much as the determination not to quit. So there you have, I was stuck fighting for a relationship with a boyfriend who, in truth be told, I'd rather forget ever existed.”
― Caprice Crane, Forget About It

“Pygmalion made her; then she kicked him in the nuts, ran away, and developed a personality.”
― Caprice Crane, Family Affair

“That red spot!” she says with alarm.
“That’s a freckle!”
“It wasn’t there before...” she says as she inspects her entire arm.
“It’s cute.”
“It’s not cute.”
“Then it’s mine,” I say. “If you don’t like it, it’s mine. I’ll call it Brady.”
“My freckle?”
“Yes.”
“You’re naming my freckle after yourself?” she says. “And you think I have issues?”
“It’s like a star. People buy stars in the constellation and name them after people al the time. As gifts.”
“So then are you buying my freckle? Because I don’t know if you can afford my freckle. My freckles don’t come cheap, you know.”
“I’ve already claimed it,” I declare. “It’s not up for discussion anymore. Just eat your ice cream. And don’t spill any on Brady.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Sometimes I wish I could be the kind of person who has one-night stands, and instead of feeling guilty about it feels empowered by it. But I’m not.”
― Caprice Crane

“Thank you,” she says and yanks the pull-tab off the soda can. She takes a big sip and aaahs. Then she takes the pull-tab and puts it on her ring finger like a wedding band. She holds her hand out and looks at it.
“Someday,” she says wistfully.
“Wow, a soda pop pull-tab ring. You’re easy. Most girls want their ring from Tiffany’s.”
“Well, I’m not most girls.”
She’s telling me?”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“It's probably those lactose-intolerant freaks. We all know there's nothing cool about intolerance.”
― Caprice Crane, Confessions of a Hater