Patrick Thomas > Quotes

“Magic is not the solution to every problem, but it sure helps in eleven out of ten cases.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy Rides The Lightning: Terrorbelle Book 2

“Sometimes it’s not worth questioning authority because it usually won’t know the answer.”
― Patrick Thomas, Rites Of Passage: The Department of Mystic Affairs Casefiles of Agent Karver (featuring Detective Bianca Jones): Mystic Investigators Book 6

“I recently got my wife to take me back, which is good because I don’t like to work and she supports me when we’re together.”
― Patrick Thomas, Dear Cthulhu: Good Advice For Bad People

“Early morning suits and overalls were on their way to work, covering people too bewildered by employment to realize what an atrocious hour it was to be up and about. Still, they had enough wits about them to take great pains to walk around the man arguing with his bottle and apparently losing. Edgar”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Tales From Bulfinche's Pub

“When Ted walked in the door, silence fell across the room. The silence must have been especially clumsy, perhaps even hitting its head and losing consciousness, because no one spoke. Instead, everyone watched. It seemed like a scene from an old western, where a gunfighter itching for a shoot-out walks into a saloon. I half expected to see tumbleweeds roll by.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Shadow of the Wolf

“There was no smell, no texture, no temperature to it. It had as much substance as a politician’s promise.”
― Patrick Thomas, Rites Of Passage: The Department of Mystic Affairs Casefiles of Agent Karver (featuring Detective Bianca Jones): Mystic Investigators Book 6

“Shall we tune up?” asked Heimdal. He was answered by a chorus of “Sure,” , “Why not?”, and “Why? Do I look like a car?”   “Okay. Ready. Mee, Mee, Mee, Mee,” Heimdal sang.   The assembled crowd sang back “You, you, you, you.”   “Very good. Now lets try ‘you, you, you, you.’” Heimdal said.   A chorus of “Me, me, me, me,” filled the air.   “Excellent,” Heimdal”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Tales From Bulfinche's Pub

“Sometimes the hardest thing someone has to do is admit that he’s wrong. Of course I only know this from what I hear from other people, as it’s never happened to me personally.”   -Dionysus, god of wine, women, and song, bartender”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Shadow of the Wolf

“I could fix the two of you up, assuming you don’t mind the fact that he is into sadism and just got out of jail for accidentally leaving his last lover tied up in a basement for two months.”
― Patrick Thomas, Dear Cthulhu: Good Advice For Bad People

“Things started to fly around the room. I don’t mean little things like books and lamps. I’m talking the refrigerator, the stove, and the couch. It was like a deadly game of dodge ball. I”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Mind if I sit down?” asked Conrad. “It’s a free country,” said Toni. “Then why is everything so expensive?” said”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Bartender of the Gods

“That’s when a shadow came over the table. The shadow was so big you could almost hear the table creak under its weight. It was like having an indoor eclipse. We had been approached by someone whom I could only describe as the fattest individual I had ever seen. I have never been one to make fun of the adiposily overadvantaged, but that is what this person was. Probably”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Be careful. Sometimes you don’t carry a grudge. It carries you.”
― Patrick Thomas, Rites Of Passage: The Department of Mystic Affairs Casefiles of Agent Karver (featuring Detective Bianca Jones): Mystic Investigators Book 6

“It feels so good to be loved,” Murphy said. “How would ye know?” said Paddy. “I hear things and have a good imagination,” he said.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy With A Gun: The Collected Terrorbelle: Terrorbelle Book 1

“Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly, but with your whole heart and soul. If done right, it should be forever. And”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Shadow of the Wolf

“Tremble in fear as Pasphrfep the Pillager comes to feast on your souls.”
― Patrick Thomas, Lore & Dysorder: The Hell's Detective Mysteries: Mystic Investigators Book 8

“I don’t know nothing about looking a gift horse in the mouth or anywhere else. I mean, who gives a horse as a gift anyhow? Unless it’s just the head of course.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy Rides The Lightning: Terrorbelle Book 2

“Kintaro was a legendary Japanese hero who’s gone by many names, but mostly he uses the one his witch mother gave him. He made some cooing noises, and a small flock of pigeons suddenly dive bombed me. “Just giving you some motivation.” In addition to having strength in Herc’s class, Kintaro also talked to animals. Now I realize a lot of people in Central Park talk to the pigeons—as well as rocks and lampposts—but when Kintaro speaks, animals listen.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Bartender of the Gods

“Bulfinche’s is a Manhattan bar that has not only seen all the weirdness the world has to offer, but encourages it to come by for a drink. A leprechaun owns it, and a god of wine and orgies tends bar. I”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Pride not only precedes a fall, but often hangs around a while longer to see what other damage it can do.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Tales From Bulfinche's Pub

“Cthulhu takes vow breaking very seriously. If they will break a vow to their spouse, what is to keep them from breaking their vows to Cthulhu? Besides pain and torture followed by a horrible death and an eternity of pain.)”
― Patrick Thomas, Dear Cthulhu: Good Advice For Bad People

“Several rows of spectators were blocking our view of the upcoming parade, almost all of them more vertically endowed than we were. In short, vertical envy had reared its ugly head and was making faces at us.”
― Patrick Thomas, Nightcaps: - a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Then the Maw did something really disgusting. It let loose with the evil mother of all farts. It was actually visible, a gray murky mist. I covered my mouth and nose with my sleeve, but my eyes were burning. I had been tear-gassed before. This was worse. While”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy With A Gun: The Collected Terrorbelle: Terrorbelle Book 1

“Magic isn’t just fun, it’s an adventure. Then again, so’s falling off a cliff.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Shadow of the Wolf

“My plan was ill conceived, against convention, and, above all, silly. I loved it the moment I thought of it.”
― Patrick Thomas, Nightcaps: - a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“I’ve heard that the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. It’s not the only way, although you do have to make sure to go to your right and toward the head. And it does save the trouble of having to crack open the rib cage.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy Rides The Lightning: Terrorbelle Book 2

“Sex slaves can rarely defend themselves, and the dead are even worse off in this instance than the living. The”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“The Devil tended to do it better than his underlings. Likes to give the marks less wiggle room to get out of the contract. The lesser demons are so anxious to get any soul that they’ll promise the world and deliver Jersey. Of”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“No powers? Ye’ve got to be kidding me. Have ye heard his jokes? They’re so bad they can drop a man at twenty paces,” said”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy With A Gun: The Collected Terrorbelle: Terrorbelle Book 1

“Love is in the air.”   “Is that what that smell is?”   “Yep,” said Paddy.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Tales From Bulfinche's Pub