Carlton Mellick III > Quotes

“Closing your mind to religion is no different than the close-mindedness that
religions can cause.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“Maybe I’m drunk right now, even though I don’t remember drinking anything.
When I’m drunk, I say things without thinking. Drinking numbs you from your ability to
reason. It makes you forget your own character and become a crazy. Maybe I am a
crazy now; I’m going through so much chaos these days that reality is hard to grasp.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“That is the moral of this story, kids. No matter how many people try to stomp on your happiness, you have the power to do whatever you want with your life.”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Faggiest Vampire

“The world is still new . . . it seems old to us, but only seems because our lives are so short . . . our human race has been around for such a brief amount of time that the universe hasn't had the chance to detect us yet. One blink is all it needs to miss our dance through actuality.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“Nowhere and oblivion were completely different things/places to Richard Stein. For
him, oblivion is when something goes into nothing and nowhere is the place where
something can come out of nothing.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“When I say something like "back when I was in high
school," I usually mean: "back when I was supposed to be in high school.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“The God of this planet was not worth the religion.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“For three weeks, we slept in the same bed together. We never had sex. We never kissed. We never took off more clothes than our pants. We just dreamed together.

The conversations were brief. We didn’t go on any dates. We didn’t get to know each other. It was just a sleeping arrangement. To her, I was just a stuffed animal with a heartbeat.”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Haunted Vagina

“[he]. . . hated God . . . actually, he just hated Christians . . . He never met God. Why should he care about somebody he never met?”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“Sad people are too sad to do anything but drink brandy and sleep all day.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Sweet Story

“The Silence took your friend."
Nobody says What’s the Silence?
Satan Says, "It is a creature that came out of the walm. Large as a lake, this creature,
but it’s not made of water. It is made of sound. And it feeds off of sound, or anything
that makes sound, or anything that can hear sound. It will empty this entire world of
sound if we let it. It claims this side of town its territory. Anybody that’s out on the street
is at risk. It will eat anything that it hears and your friend must have been something it
heard. He will never come back. Nobody ever escapes from the stomach of Silence.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“ My thinking-of-kitties smile!”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Menstruating Mall

“I bet He’s only sad for the part of me that belonged to Him.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“But we were madly in love! I didn’t even consider leaving her because of her ghost vagina. She meant everything to me. I loved her this >< much! (That means infinitely).”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Haunted Vagina

“Stacy just watches her body in amazement as the hand clutches onto her leg and pulls. Another hand emerges and grabs her other thigh, trying to pull itself out of there.”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Haunted Vagina

“She’s not evil. Calling all demons evil is like calling all Muslims terrorists. It’s racist.” Bill holds up his hands, “Oh, well in that case I apologize. She can stay.”
― Carlton Mellick III, I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter

“A little thing like me…” she tells him. Then she blows his brains out the front of his face.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Exercise Bike

“Now that the day is repeating, I have no idea what to do with myself,” Lyle says. “I can’t finish the book I’ve been working on for the past five months. Every time I go to sleep, the words I write disappear. It’s frustrating as hell. The only books I’ll ever write are the ones that are already finished. Anything I do from now on won’t last.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Neverday

“I’ve taken to talking to the ground as if it is Stacy. I tell her how happy I am to still be with her, even though we can’t see each other. I’m sure she feels the same way, comforting her lonely nights by knowing that I am still inside her, thinking about her.

After my voice starts to get scratchy, I just speak to her in my head.”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Haunted Vagina

“Everything is possible and everything is easy, if you put your mind to it.”
― Carlton Mellick III, I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter

“I see her body as an arousing work of architecture. A sky-scraping building that I wouldn’t mind laying over a mountain to inject my whale-sized shank through its front entrance, knocking the doorman out of the way and flooding the lobby once I am finished with her.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“The reason why people think stereotypes exist is because they don’t take the time to get to know each other and jump to conclusions about a person’s personality out of laziness.”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Menstruating Mall

“Stephanie’s vaginal teeth scrape against him as she makes love to him. Kevin cringes as she presses her messy head wound against his cheek. He doesn’t enjoy the sex. It feels like he’s getting a really bad blowjob from a girl with big teeth and a small mouth.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Apeshit

“Unfortunately, her degrees in Philosophy, History, Russian, Anthropology, Psychology, and Humanities were useless in the job market,”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Haunted Vagina

“a place where children did not write and read was a woeful place, indeed.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Sweet Story

“Everyone does horrible things from time to time,” he said. “But a true hero will still help people despite the horrible things they’ve done.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Tumor Fruit

“To my Rainbow Cat, for always believing in me.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Zombies and Shit

“He always thought becoming a husband and father would be a living Hell, but he had no idea it was going to be so literal.”
― Carlton Mellick III, I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter

“But she was combined with this other woman who hated children, who focused more on the bad memories than the good, who felt like the joining forced her to raise somebody else’s kid. Where my old mother accepted me for my flaws, my new mother didn’t have the time or patience. It was like she died that day.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Bio Melt

“Everyone deserves to die. Men are death machines. They are created to cause death or become dead.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Steel Breakfast Era