Neven Iliev > Quotes

“Even the slightest movement on the Mimic’s part was sure to wake the big scary thing up again. Therefore, the faux-chest focused its entire being on chesting. It would be the Chestiest Chest That Ever Chested!”
― Neven Iliev, Morningwood

“How come he didn't notice it earlier? Ah, probably because it was behind Xera's back while her voluptuous breasts were, as expected, on her chest.”
― Neven Iliev, Morningwood

“The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar. I said ‘Mimics.’ The party laughed. The barkeep laughed. The table laughed. We killed the table. Good times.”
― Neven Iliev, Morningwood

“-and let thy toast never fall buttered-side down. Cheesecake.”
― neven iliev

“to understand that theory and practice were the same in theory, but not in practice.”
― Neven Iliev, Law

“It wanted to file a complaint with life’s general manager. Maybe burn life’s house down with some combustible lemons.”
― Neven Iliev, Goroth

“Boxxy absolutely hated stormy weather. It was almost as untasty as getting covered in acidic spit. “How come?” inquired Grog. “Thunderbolts and lightning – very very frightening.”
― Neven Iliev, Fizzlesprocket

“Do you prefer big or small chests?” “Big,” answered the Mimic immediately. How was this even a question? Bigger treasure chests had more shiny things inside them and were therefore better without a doubt. “I know, right?”
― Neven Iliev, Morningwood

“Aww, that’s a shame…” Valeria pouted. “Then what are you planning, honeybuns?” However, neither she nor the rest of the group were prepared for Boxxy’s answer. “Operation TASTYCOCK.” The entire party ground to a halt. Kora struggled valiantly not to laugh, while Xera’s face split into a malicious grin. Valeria and Fizzy could only stare blankly in stunned surprise. “Uh- Uhm… Th-th-that is,” stammered the lich, “what do you mean by tas… tasty cocks?” “Tasty And Shiny Things Yielded by Chesting Or Cheap Killing.”
― Neven Iliev, Vortena

“Responsibility? Guilt? What are those? Are they tasty? … They’re not? Then I don’t need them. Go bring me tasty things!”
― Neven Iliev, Fizzlesprocket

“Luckily for you, I’m what you would call a troubleshooter.” Which was to say it shot trouble in the face, usually with high-powered magic.”
― Neven Iliev, Teresa

“Therefore, the faux-chest focused its entire being on chesting. It would be the Chestiest Chest That Ever Chested!”
― Neven Iliev, Morningwood

“Is rape tasty?” “I … uh … That’s not something within my contractual obligations to answer.”
― Neven Iliev, Fizzlesprocket

“The whole thing started off as an in-joke that was made in somewhat poor taste and was written almost entirely off the cuff. The original idea I had for the protagonist was that of a piece of shit warlock with no morals going on realm-hopping adventures in search of power. I eventually settled on a professional chest impersonator after coming across the following D&D anecdote: The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar. I said ‘Mimics.’ The party laughed. The barkeep laughed. The table laughed. We killed the table. Good times.”
― Neven Iliev, Morningwood

“[Level up!]
[Congratulations, you are now a Level 15 Metal Golem! STR +3. END +3. AGI +2. FTH +1.] “Yeaheaaah!” she cheered with a fist pump. “How’s it feel to get your ass run over by the pain train, blockhead?! Get wrecked, motherfucker!”
― Neven Iliev, Vortena