Philip Rivera > Quotes

“And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finally

lost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned that

Netflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.

And if you’re just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence.”
― Philip Rivera, Suburban Luchador: Memoirs From Suburbia

“It was like a nightclub rave… at 10 am… for moms and toddlers… in a library.”
― Philip Rivera, Suburban Luchador: Memoirs From Suburbia

“...imagine you’re minding your own business, walking down the mall, looking for the perfect beard comb. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a midget ninja jumps out from behind one of those shiatsu massage chairs and rapid punches you in the stomach and lower back.”
― Philip Rivera, Suburban Luchador: Tales From the Burb Side

“One day, I’m going to start a minivan gang. That’ll show these Sons of Anarchy.

We would be called the Sons of Suburbia and our Suburban Steel Stallions, with high MPG, multiple airbags, cup holders and designer car safety seats, would rule the highways… and the preschool pickup line.”
― Philip Rivera, Suburban Luchador: Memoirs From Suburbia