Diane Langberg > Quotes

“One of the reasons a survivor finds it so difficult to see herself as a victim is that she has been blamed repeatedly for the abuse: "If you weren't such a whore, this wouldn't have to happen." Each time she is used and trashed, she becomes further convinced of her innate badness. She sees herself participating in forbidden sexual activity and may often get some sense of gratification from it even if she doesn't want to (it is, after all, a form of touch, and our bodies respond without the consent of our wills). This is seen as further proof that the abuse is her fault and well deserved. In her mind, she has become responsible for the actions of her abusers. She believes she is not a victim; she is a loathsome, despicable, worthless human being—if indeed she even qualifies as human. When the abuse has been sadistic in nature...these beliefs are futher entrenched.”
― Diane Langberg, Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse

“Too often the survivor is seen by [himself or] herself and others as "nuts," "crazy," or "weird." Unless her responses are understood within the context of trauma. A traumatic stress reaction consists of *natural* emotions and behaviors in response to a catastrophe, its immediate aftermath, or memories of it. These reactions can occur anytime after the trauma, even decades later. The coping strategies that victims use can be understood only within the context of the abuse of a child. The importance of context was made very clear many years ago when I was visiting the home of a Holocaust survivor. The woman's home was within the city limits of a large metropolitan area. Every time a police or ambulance siren sounded, she became terrified and ran and hid in a closet or under the bed. To put yourself in a closet at the sound of a far-off siren is strange behavior indeed—outside of the context of possibly being sent to a death camp. Within that context, it makes perfect sense. Unless we as therapists have a good grasp of the context of trauma, we run the risk of misunderstanding the symptoms our clients present and, hence, responding inappropriately or in damaging ways.”
― Diane Langberg, Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse

“The experience of chronic abuse carries within it the gross mislabeling of things. Perpetrators are really "nice daddies." Victims are "evil and seductive" (at the age of three!). Nonprotecting parents are "tired and busy." The survivor makes a giant leap forward when [he or ]she can call abuse by its right name and grasp the concept that what was done was a manifestation of the heart of the perpetrator, not the heart of the victim.”
― Diane Langberg, Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse

“I think a look at suffering humanity would lead to the realization that trauma is perhaps the greatest mission field of the twenty-first century.”
― Diane Mandt Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“You can do right and still have everything turn out wrong. I am not certain where we got the idea that was not so, given that the one we follow and call God did do everything right and ended up treated with gross injustice.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“We are God’s dissidents every time we respond in offices, in communities, in churches, in schools, and in any areas of abuse. We do this as a part of systems, many of them with good and godly aims. We must not go to sleep. We must watch. We must not assume that our family, church, community, country, or organization is always right just because the people in it use the right words. We must never agree to “protect” the name of God by covering ungodliness. In Ephesians 5:11, Paul warns us not to participate in the deeds of darkness but instead to expose them.

Understand that you cannot singlehandedly change an entire system; you are not called to do so. Yet we are to speak truth about our systems. This is difficult to do and sometimes quite risky. Just ask Martin Luther King Jr. Ask Martin Luther himself. Ask those in the #MeToo movement. When systems change, it is often little by little and usually at great cost.

When you feel overwhelmed, remember this: people are sacred, created in the image of God. Systems are not. They are only worth the people in them and the people they serve. And people are to be treated, whether one or many, the way Jesus Christ treated people.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“The Crucified is the One most traumatized. He has borne the World Trade Center. He has carried the Iraq war, the destruction in Syria, the Rwandan massacres, the AIDS crisis, the poverty of our inner cities, and the abused and trafficked children. He was wounded for the sins of those who perpetrated such horrors. He has carried the griefs and sorrows of the multitudes who have suffered the natural disasters of this world--the earthquakes, cyclones, and tsunamis. And he has borne our selfishness, our complacency, our love of success, and our pride. He has been in the darkness. He has known the loss of all things. He has been abandoned by his Father. He has been to hell. There is no part of any tragedy that he has not known or carried. He has done this so that none of us need face tragedy alone because he has been there before us and will go with us. and what he has done for us in Gethsemane and at Calvary he ask us to do as well. We are called to enter into relationships centered on suffering so that we might reveal in flesh and blood the nature of the Crucified One.”
― Diane Mandt Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“Have you ever sat with someone unlike you, being grace and truth to them? Have you ever listened, trying to understand what it is like to be them rather than trying to correct them and make them like you? So often we listen just long enough to convince another to be more like us or to instruct them about how to “get over” whatever has happened. It is an egocentric approach. Jesus’s presence with us was not and is not like that. He listened and responded to the individual. Have you ever been struck by the fact that he healed all blind people in unique ways? Let us watch Jesus and see who he was with others who were utterly unlike him. Let us watch and see who he was with “them.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“And so I want us to look at injustice and its polar opposite, justice, which we are told is a requirement of our God for his people. It is not a lofty idea; it is not a suggestion; it is not a liberal cause; and it is not simply for those who are not busy. It is a requirement of the God who is himself Justice.”
― Diane Mandt Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“I fear that we are often sleeping in the garden rather than watching with our Savior because the suffering is not ours.”
― Diane Mandt Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“Pain is the only protest in the human constitution that something is wrong. It is the only thing that raises its voice against existing abuses. If you jump to silence pain, you will fail to find the wound.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“To take such a complex creature, on who was meant for God and is destroyed by sin, and attempt to understand how the development of that creature can be affected by hideous trauma is to attempt the impossible.”
― Diane Langberg, Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse

“Incest does not occur in a vacuum... Needless to say, incest is not a function of a healthy home. It is important to note that it is not known how much of the traumatic stress reaction or emotional disturbance is caused by the sexual act of incest and how much is caused by the unhealthy, emotionally deprived, neglect-filled home environment that fosters incestuous activity.”
― Diane Mandt Langberg, Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse

“When the day comes and people push you toward a goal you believe is good, remember Jesus. The work is not your master; he is.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“When I held my newborn children and grandchildren, I felt as though I was looking at a treasure box packed intentionally by God with gifts to bless his world. Opening those gifts has been one of the great joys of my life. Ignoring the gifts of God in any child, female or male, does great damage to the child. It also greatly impairs the function of the church, because those gifts are given by God for the good of the body of Christ and for the glory of God.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“When God’s work seems to call us to neglect marriage and home, solitude and study, we have traded masters.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“Listen to some words: Today Christianity stands at the head of this country. . . . I pledge that I will never tie myself to those who want to destroy Christianity. . . . We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit—we want to burn out all the recent immoral development in literature, theater, the arts and in the press. . . . In short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess the past . . . few years.2 Take these words at face value. Do they resonate with you? Here is what one listener said upon hearing them: “This . . . puts in words everything I have been searching for, for years. It is the first time someone gave form to what I want.”3 I suspect many would say the same. There are thousands of people who, upon hearing these words spoken, would cheer and agree and say amen. The words are Adolph Hitler’s, and the listener was someone in the audience who made that comment to Joseph Goebbels in 1933. Goebbels was Hitler’s minister of propaganda and clearly a very good one. Hitler’s words sound like they are inspired by Christian faith and morality. Listeners assumed a certain kind of person stood behind them. But Hitler’s words masked the deception behind them so that those listening, without knowing the character of the man, heard what they longed for but what never came to fruition. What did come was the extermination of millions, the destruction of countries, and evil that has affected generations. The words were said to manipulate the audience whose longings the Third Reich understood well. Hitler deliberately deceived the people and drew them in, calling forth loyalty and service. And he got it, not just from the general population but also from the German church. Words full of promises that cloaked great evil were tailored for a vulnerable culture.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“Every time we treat someone with dignity rather than shame, respect rather than disregard, concern rather than exploitation, kindness rather than brutality, and careful attention rather than turning away, we are doing things that are the reverse of trauma and evil.6”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“When someone tells us that a person we know has sexually or physically abused them, we think, I know that person; it cannot be true. Scripture says that our hearts are utterly deceitful; we don't even know our own hearts. We have a hard time believing that. Scripture says that Jesus trusted no one because he knew what was in all people (John 2:24). We say, "I know that person; we trust them." But Jesus says, "I know them; I do not trust them; I know what they are capable of." He would say that about me, about you. Scripture tells us that God does not judge by appearances but according to righteousness. We judge by what we see and hear, and we assume we know the heart.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“Your work in this world is resurrection work.”
― Diane Langberg

“If people worked harder, were more responsible, were not lazy, or simply thought differently, they would not be victims of injustice. We end up holding children morally responsible for sexual abuse, victims are blamed for rape, and battered wives own their husband’s violence. Our egocentricity says to us, “You have experienced these things because you have ”—not been responsible; not loved your spouse well; not made moral choices, etc. We do the same for poverty and lack of jobs. Implicit is the idea that if they did what we did, made similar choices to ours, or behaved well, then injustice would not be present in their lives. If someone is downtrodden or oppressed, it is probably their fault.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“Sin hidden within a God-ordained structure is hardly success.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“Victims are often told they must forgive no matter what. But God does not forgive those who do not speak truth or who demand forgiveness. He is ready to forgive—and that readiness is hard to hold back—but forgiveness is not given until we seek him out, speak truth, and ask him for it.”
― Diane Langberg, When the Church Harms God's People: Becoming Faith Communities That Resist Abuse, Pursue Truth, and Care for the Wounded

“No system—family, church, community, or institution—is truly God’s work unless it is full of truth and love. Toleration of sin, pretense, disease, crookedness, or deviation from the truth means the system is in fact not the work of God, no matter the words used to describe it. I fear we have a tendency to submit ourselves to some command or idea of men—of the past, of tradition, of a systemic culture—and in so doing refuse to listen to and obey the living and ever-present God.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“When we hear justifications, excuses, blaming, selfishness, or a focus on the sins of another, we can be sure we do not have true repentance.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“Words spoken cannot be assumed to be truth, even when they are repeated many times and are believed by many people. They are truth when we see them incarnated. God spoke, God came in the flesh and dwelt among us, and we saw his glory. Jesus showed the Father to us by bringing his character into flesh and blood.”
― Diane Langberg, When the Church Harms God's People: Becoming Faith Communities That Resist Abuse, Pursue Truth, and Care for the Wounded

“Repentance is not verbal only. It is always demonstrated consistently in a life over time. And true repentance is a process that requires time and more time to be made evident. When humans are caught in sin, they will say anything to make it better, including using biblical language to keep life running normally, especially when there is a lot at stake. The self-deception of the one who is exposed works overtime in an attempt to deceive his/her questioners, who also have the capacity to be deceived and sometimes in considering the potential outcomes conclude that deception is the better alternative than messy, exposed truth.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores

“We forget that anything done in the name of God that does not bear his character through and through is not of him at all. In our forgetting, we are more loyal to the words of humans than to the commandments of God.”
― Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church

“Don’t be fooled. Encumbrances can come in pretty packages: acclaim, success, money, grateful people. They can come in compelling packages as well: panic, depression, fear, desperation. However, make no mistake, anything that pulls our eyes from the One who should be our fixed point will result in our going off course.”
― Diane Langberg, In Our Lives First: Meditations for Counselors

“In recent years I have begun to understand that the call of God on my life is a bit unusual. It is a clear call to enter into the fellowship of his sufferings. It is a call to weep with those who weep. We must not forget that we serve a God who weeps, for he never calls us to something we do not first find in him.”
― Diane Langberg, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores