Marnia Robinson > Quotes

“All the joy the world contains has come through wishing happiness for others. All the misery the world contains has come through wanting pleasure for oneself. —Shantideva, ninth-century Indian mystic”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Remember those cocaine addicts whose dopamine receptors (the tiny hands that grab neurochemicals) decreased after repeated drug use? Cocaine blasts the reward circuitry so that it pumps out massive amounts of exciting dopamine. This accounts for the high. Then two things happen simultaneously. First, the high begins to fade as the brain disposes of the extra dopamine. Second, because so much excess dopamine can damage or kill nerve cells, the cells protect themselves by reducing the number of dopamine receptors (little “hands”) on their surfaces. If a thunderstorm rolls in, you close all the windows and wait for it to pass. That’s what the cells do, except they assume that another storm is on the way, and stay closed up for a while. The addict has lowered her sensitivity to dopamine—a substance that helped give her the high. Now our addict feels rotten. She has two choices: Take more cocaine to jack up her mood artificially by saturating the remaining dopamine receptors, or suffer withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms arise when the reward circuitry is starving for dopamine. Whether you have too few receptors for dopamine, or too little dopamine circulating around the nerve cells, you get the same result. Your reward circuitry batteries are low, leaving you with an acute desire to feel normal again.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Guillaume Belibaste, the last Cathar recorded to have burned at the stake in 1321, is said to have prophesied that “at the end of seven hundred years the laurel would again turn green,”114 implying that the principles of “the true Christianity” would return to the world’s attention.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“As my husband quipped, “If orgasm was the magic bullet, porn addicts would be the healthiest people on the planet.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Wife: Why don’t you tell me that you love me? Husband: I told you I loved you thirty years ago when I married you. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Sex is like fire or water. Fire and water can aid a man … or kill him. —Taoist proverb”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“our genes’ primary goal is not necessarily harmony between mates, but rather greater success for themselves.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“The dramatic power of dopamine to interfere with free will and create sexual (and other) compulsions became clear when patients took drugs that imitate dopamine. For example, a Frenchman who took such a drug to control Parkinson’s symptoms recovered a large settlement from a pharmaceutical company after the medication temporarily gave him compulsive homosexual urges. (He was straight when not on the meds.)192 Another Parkinson’s patient suddenly found himself cross-dressing after seventy years of uneventful heterosexuality. When doctors decreased his dosage of the dopamine-like drug, the urge to put on his deceased wife’s clothing evaporated.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Notice that supportive touch alone makes the difference. “Talking about it” may be of limited use when a mate is anxious or irritable. Talking uses the rational brain, while holding your partner instead—preferably in silence—soothes the “problem child” itself, the amygdala. (Guys will appreciate the “in silence” part.) The time to talk will come later when perspective is restored.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“In successful Karezza the sex-organs become quiet, satisfied, demagnetized, as perfectly as by the orgasm, while the rest of the body of each partner glows with a wonderful vigor and conscious joy”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“If psychological well-being is linked with having deep intimate contacts, being a valued member of an enduring social group, and being enmeshed in a network of extended kin, then the conditions of modern living seem designed to interfere with human happiness.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“how to tame sex without destroying love, how to tame avarice without destroying creativity, and how to tame violence without destroying courage”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Treat others as compassionately as you want to be treated. Keep in mind that needy, demanding behaviors often arise from a healthy, natural longing for the deep connections upon which humanity is designed to thrive.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Inflamed libido is not due to a physical surplus in the body. It is often due to oversensitivity to stimulating cues. Unconsciously, the sufferer may actually be seeking relief from withdrawal symptoms—and the comfort of a pair-bond.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“Said researcher Snowden, “Here we have a nonhuman primate model that has to solve the same problems that we do: to stay together and maintain a monogamous relationship, to rear children, and oxytocin may be a mechanism they use to maintain the relationship.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

“For example, just ten minutes of warm, supportive touching between couples who live together causes a marked increase in oxytocin in the blood.262 The more supportive those couples, the higher their blood levels of oxytocin. Massage and other supportive and caring touch lower stress hormones and blood pressure, particularly among young married men, while also releasing oxytocin.”
― Marnia Robinson, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships