Cee Bowerman > Quotes

“Noah built the ark to save animals, not lettuce. I take that to mean God approves of me eating a good steak.”
― Cee Bowerman, Forever Family

“If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for real life, they’d have a class called Working With Assholes.”
― Cee Bowerman, Bird

“You are not the sum of your past or your history.”
― Cee Bowerman, Kari & Levi

“When I was praying for God to send someone to help me, I had no idea he would give me a little, white, fairy godmother.....Bibbity, bobbity boo, sweetheart!”
― Cee Bowerman, Lout

“People underestimate the short ones, but we’re more evil since we’re closer to hell.”
― Cee Bowerman, Chef

“When I think about you, I touch myself.  Meaning I rub my temples because you give me a fucking migraine.” Drea to Bird”
― Cee Bowerman, Bird

“Good for her. Badass Grandma. I like that.”
― Cee Bowerman, Grunt

“I’ll bang her like a screen door in high wind, but I’m not gonna love her.”
― Cee Bowerman, Kale

“You got them with the goats, didn’t you?”
― Cee Bowerman, Grunt

“My mama said that tears were the poison coming out, you know?  She said that if you kept them in there, they’d rot you from the inside out.  You just do your thing, and I’m gonna let you as long as you don’t get snot on my shirt.”
― Cee Bowerman, Chef

“Sorry doesn’t count if you’re only saying it because you got caught.  An insincere apology is worse than saying nothing at all.”
― Cee Bowerman, Love Forever

“So tell me about your friend.  What do I need to know?  Is he a big guy?  Will his body fit into a  lawn and leaf bag, or will I need a tarp?”
― Cee Bowerman, Stoffer

“hear you’ve enlisted some of the women to help you get in good with your woman,” Smokey leaned up against the rail as he watched me pull the knife out of my front door.  “Shannon called a meeting, and they sat around in my backyard stirring something in a big cauldron until a haze came over the moon.”
― Cee Bowerman, Hank

“It has to be the kind of love that gets you through dinners where just the sound of his chewing makes you want to call a lawyer and get those divorce papers started.  The kind of love that lets you stand there and think long and hard about what you’re going to say to him when you find toothpaste and hair all over the bathroom sink you cleaned that morning. It’s the kind of love that reminds you about his good qualities while you watch that shit he left in the sink again swirl down the drain rather than start screaming at him until you’re hoarse.”
― Cee Bowerman, Love Forever

“I’m less concerned about my children saying asshole than them becoming one.” Shannon to Spruce’s second grade teacher”
― Cee Bowerman, Grunt

“with”
― Cee Bowerman, Bear

“remember before you and Jayla got together, you broke up with a girl because she didn’t like apples.  Who does that?” “It wasn’t that she didn’t like apples, it was that she ate green apples dipped in ketchup.” Mesha shuddered.  “That, my silver-haired friend is a valid reason to dump someone.”
― Cee Bowerman, Hank

“If You Love Her” by Forest Blakk.  I”
― Cee Bowerman, Preacher

“I always knew motherhood was hard, but I didn’t realize that it was mostly just being a little person’s personal chef and snack bitch.”
― Cee Bowerman, Bird

“If anyone ever figures me out, I’d like an explanation.” Drea to Kari”
― Cee Bowerman, Tucker

“I pushed your big-headed spawn out of my body, Kale.  I get a free pass for the next 80 years or so.” “You did.” Kale smiled at his wife and then leaned down to kiss his baby’s hair.  “In one day, I got two of the sweetest gifts a man can receive.  Married to a woman who I want to spend forever with and a sweet baby girl who looks just like her.” “See?” Terra pinched her lips together and glared at her husband for a second before she looked back at me.  “He says stupid stuff and then comes back with something like that.  It’s why I haven’t stabbed him yet.”
― Cee Bowerman, Fain

“think my ovaries released at least three eggs, which is crazy considering I had a hysterectomy four years ago.”
― Cee Bowerman, Boss

“She’ll rule the world someday, but she might need to learn to sit up first. It will make it easier to hold court.”
― Cee Bowerman, Bird

“I fully believe that adulthood is a state of mind.  I’d prefer to remain fun, young, and beautiful for the rest of my life.  If I wish it so, then so it will be.”
― Cee Bowerman, Styx

“Weddings are just a really expensive way to let your entire family know you’re definitely going to get laid tonight.”
― Cee Bowerman, Lout

“You want to be Ozzy and Harriet here every evening?  Is that what you’re saying?” “Yes, but probably more Homer and Marge.”
― Cee Bowerman, Hank

“The thought that a woman’s mood at any given moment can only be attributed to the hormones in her system rather than outside influences that could quite possibly make her consider violence is a barbaric and outdated method of explaining away a woman’s emotions.”
― Cee Bowerman, Fain

“Hey, it’s only crazy when one person goes off their rocker.  When there's more than one, it’s teamwork.”
― Cee Bowerman, Bug

“John reached around the back of Cora’s head and slapped John on the back of his skull.  “Shut up, asshole.  You’re scaring her.”
― Cee Bowerman, John & Mattie

“If I wanted to drive like an old lady, I’d buy a fucking Buick.”
― Cee Bowerman, Daughtry