Dassy Bernhard > Quotes

“Let’s keep it at four additional clocks. Otherwise, the Clock family will be obligated to taking over your lease as main tenants.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“Ninjas shouldn’t wear horribly yellow jumpers.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“Father had been quiet.
Unusually quiet.
Disturbingly quiet.
Suspiciously quiet.
Waiting‑for‑the‑other‑shoe‑to‑drop quiet.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“Unsung feline heroes, here we come to cast a light on your patriotism and cuddliness in service to the Crown.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“There were low‑fat milk cartons at his local Waitrose with higher fat percentages than Ethan’s lean form held. Nick suspected that his own fat percentages were, unfortunately, to be found in the cheese section — somewhere between the mozzarella and the brie.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“One could hardly define three people as an intimidating audience, but given that Nick was the ‘one’ in question, they may as well have been a three‑people shooting squad.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“My elbows have been declared a lethal weapon by the national vase association.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“Nick jumped a good four inches in the air before recognizing Ethan's voice. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked once he recovered.

"Long enough to notice you're three Henries short of the reformation.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“If I’m adopting ten fluffy cats, they’d better be depicted on a regular basis. Otherwise everyone will think I’m a crazy cat gentleman.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“Either he was going to die miserable and alone, or he’d end up with a fortune hunter - in which case he’d spend his time trying to escape so he could be miserable and alone in peace.”
― Dassy Bernhard, That Weird Courtship Ritual

“I was lured away by the kettle’s siren song.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions

“It turned out one could be a bodyless voice over only for so long before the public began commenting - repeatedly - on whether he wasn’t, in fact, Downing Street 10 and 11’s cats in a raincoat.”
― Dassy Bernhard, A Most Disastrous Courtship: A Comedy of Manners, Mistakes, and Mild Concussions