Jackie Ess > Quotes

“You live vicariously through celebrities, I live vicariously through the guys who fuck my wife. But sure, ok, I'm the weird one.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Everybody's a socialist now, even the hookers.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Everything they told me to be, I never could be. I never could be because I never was. Does that make sense? And even if you’re just like me, even if I try to show you, you won’t see me. Not for years. I feel like the Invisible Man. Actually I’ve never seen that movie or read the book (are they even related? I’m remembering someone taped up like a mummy, but I think the book was about a black guy?).”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Maybe there are cucks who aren't even men. Is that postmodernism?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Cuckold is the new Gay. And that I guess makes me Quentin Crisp or Oscar Wilde or Paul Lynde or something.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Thinking about that stuff too much seems like it could be a nightmare. Good thing it’s not my problem, just a curiosity.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I don’t think I can really advertise my point of view, since I wear it on my sleeve that I’ve got problems. But you know what? We all do. There’s not a formula for happiness but I can’t tell you how much better it is to be yourself.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It’s hard to remember how gloomy I was just a month ago when I went down to the river, when I asked Bill to kill me. I can remember it now. It feels so stupid that I ever wanted to die. And now it’s just me and Bill letting the good times roll. New Orleans style. Maybe every guy like me just needs a best friend with a big cock.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It’s such an intense feeling. I remember thinking, “I’ll never be a real person.” And you know, I wasn’t totally wrong about that. Sometimes I feel like a character in a book. I look at the solidity of a guy like Bill, the analytical precision of Clive or Derek, the raw energy of the bluesmen, Mindy’s capacity for pleasure, Oothoon’s <> That’s real. I don’t think I’m the way I am because of what happened to me as a kid, but I just feel like there’s this hypersensitivity I‘ve always had. This way another guy could make me feel like I’m not real. Even if he wasn’t trying, and I don’t just mean the bullies.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Oothoon had a phrase that resonated for me, "the colder parts of me can be loved," that was from one of her poems.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Gender is a fucking prison, man. Maybe I should get a rainbow hairdo and say that again, louder.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“He doesn’t talk about his feelings so much, so he’s kind of a tough nut to crack. Crack it down my throat, maybe.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I guess Bill is sort of that, but it’s such a schoolboy dynamic. I’m sort of his faggot, his lackey, or something.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Weather

I have the sound of your voice, the music you showed me,
& the thought that we would have hated one another,
& I mean really hated, had we met when we were young.
Come to think of it, that's actually how it happened.

But I get to know you anyway, because we both have presence.
An occult sense everywhere of your having passed through.
There's a flash in the spirit, as impersonal as powder,
or unusual weather. There are these auroras & so on,

Slight incense on a frozen wind, then melt.
Ice-bergs peeling off from the part of life that matters.
Which is the massive. Those are the rules, that's the prompt,
As I reminded anyone who'd listen.”
― Jackie Ess

“We cuckolds are the only sexual orientation that's about the truth. Everybody else is about performance, pleasure, recognition … Maybe watching and listening are the bravest things a guy can do. Can you face your own inferiority? Can you watch yourself be replaced?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Fantastic balance of spices, but why was mine well done? Everyone else’s was practically raw. I asked him. He just smiled in his usual inscrutable way. “Do you really like it that way, Darryl? Nature red in tooth and claw?” I think I’ve never been so afraid.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Full of dread about dinner with Clive later. I said that to Mindy and she said that she didn’t care and threw up the horns. Wow.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Maybe every guy like me just needs a best friend with a big cock.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“He told me to read The Ethical Slut, and I suggested he read Marquis de Sade.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Heterosexuality makes me sick sometimes.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“How does a guy who's not gay get better at giving blow jobs?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It's funny how some people always tell you stories about how tough they are, everything they've seen. Mostly they just reveal a lot of damage.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I wish I could be like some of you guys, really, I do. But all I can be is myself. Hopelessly, despicably, me. Minion style.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Whatever, like I said, I’m not a political guy. This is probably half-baked. But can you imagine if people started Identifying as Hung. I can’t stop laughing.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Judge me? Cool. How about not judging me instead”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Judge me? Cool. How about not judging me instead.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Clive pointed out that I don’t seem to think very much about women and that’s true. Maybe I’m not taking them seriously. There’s Mindy, and Oothoon, who’s a transwoman, I think that counts. It definitely does. If you’ve got an attitude about that, take it elsewhere. I’m an ally.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“The idea of “crossdressing” is so fucked up, man, like what do actual women wear? Not big frilly dresses. T-shirts and jeans, yoga pants, fast fashion bullshit. So what’s crossdressing? That’s what I already wear. It’s just an attitude. I like the frilly lacy stuff as much as the next guy but I’m not trying to support the petticoat-industrial complex. It’s in the soul, man.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“You meet one guy, one punishingly intense, serious cock, and you change your life for it … Maybe that's what humanity is, not the human species but humanity, culture, a sedimentation of little cults, each following one guy who's worth it. All that energy, all that history, somebody was packing heat. That's real religion: real dick.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“If I thought women were weak, I would think that I, who am weak, was a woman. But women aren’t weak, Kit’s living proof. Some people are weak. So I’m in this null zone that has no name, I’ve fallen out of masculinity, but I never landed, just falling forever. I think I’m too much of a feminist to be trans. But some women are losers too, what if I was like them? That’s something to think about, I guess. I can’t rule that out.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl