Jackie Ess > Quotes

“You live vicariously through celebrities, I live vicariously through the guys who fuck my wife. But sure, ok, I'm the weird one.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Everybody's a socialist now, even the hookers.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Everything they told me to be, I never could be. I never could be because I never was. Does that make sense? And even if you’re just like me, even if I try to show you, you won’t see me. Not for years. I feel like the Invisible Man. Actually I’ve never seen that movie or read the book (are they even related? I’m remembering someone taped up like a mummy, but I think the book was about a black guy?).”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I wish I could be like some of you guys, really, I do. But all I can be is myself. Hopelessly, despicably, me. Minion style.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“How does a guy who's not gay get better at giving blow jobs?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Maybe there are cucks who aren't even men. Is that postmodernism?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I guess Bill is sort of that, but it’s such a schoolboy dynamic. I’m sort of his faggot, his lackey, or something.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“He doesn’t talk about his feelings so much, so he’s kind of a tough nut to crack. Crack it down my throat, maybe.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Judge me? Cool. How about not judging me instead.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Clive pointed out that I don’t seem to think very much about women and that’s true. Maybe I’m not taking them seriously. There’s Mindy, and Oothoon, who’s a transwoman, I think that counts. It definitely does. If you’ve got an attitude about that, take it elsewhere. I’m an ally.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Full of dread about dinner with Clive later. I said that to Mindy and she said that she didn’t care and threw up the horns. Wow.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It’s such an intense feeling. I remember thinking, “I’ll never be a real person.” And you know, I wasn’t totally wrong about that. Sometimes I feel like a character in a book. I look at the solidity of a guy like Bill, the analytical precision of Clive or Derek, the raw energy of the bluesmen, Mindy’s capacity for pleasure, Oothoon’s <> That’s real. I don’t think I’m the way I am because of what happened to me as a kid, but I just feel like there’s this hypersensitivity I‘ve always had. This way another guy could make me feel like I’m not real. Even if he wasn’t trying, and I don’t just mean the bullies.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Oothoon had a phrase that resonated for me, "the colder parts of me can be loved," that was from one of her poems.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Gender is a fucking prison, man. Maybe I should get a rainbow hairdo and say that again, louder.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“The idea of “crossdressing” is so fucked up, man, like what do actual women wear? Not big frilly dresses. T-shirts and jeans, yoga pants, fast fashion bullshit. So what’s crossdressing? That’s what I already wear. It’s just an attitude. I like the frilly lacy stuff as much as the next guy but I’m not trying to support the petticoat-industrial complex. It’s in the soul, man.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Weather

I have the sound of your voice, the music you showed me,
& the thought that we would have hated one another,
& I mean really hated, had we met when we were young.
Come to think of it, that's actually how it happened.

But I get to know you anyway, because we both have presence.
An occult sense everywhere of your having passed through.
There's a flash in the spirit, as impersonal as powder,
or unusual weather. There are these auroras & so on,

Slight incense on a frozen wind, then melt.
Ice-bergs peeling off from the part of life that matters.
Which is the massive. Those are the rules, that's the prompt,
As I reminded anyone who'd listen.”
― Jackie Ess

“We cuckolds are the only sexual orientation that's about the truth. Everybody else is about performance, pleasure, recognition … Maybe watching and listening are the bravest things a guy can do. Can you face your own inferiority? Can you watch yourself be replaced?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Cuckold is the new Gay. And that I guess makes me Quentin Crisp or Oscar Wilde or Paul Lynde or something.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It’s hard to remember how gloomy I was just a month ago when I went down to the river, when I asked Bill to kill me. I can remember it now. It feels so stupid that I ever wanted to die. And now it’s just me and Bill letting the good times roll. New Orleans style. Maybe every guy like me just needs a best friend with a big cock.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I’m not really a nature guy, which is a shame, living out here. Everybody else is, but I think maybe they don’t mean it, they’re doing it because they’re supposed to. One foot in front of the other until they’re at the top of the hill. Then what? Walk back down?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“He told me to read The Ethical Slut, and I suggested he read Marquis de Sade.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Heterosexuality makes me sick sometimes.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I wonder if I'll find out Patrick or Clive is 'ironically' fucking my wife, that he doesn't really mean it. Man, what the hell is wrong with people?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It's funny how some people always tell you stories about how tough they are, everything they've seen. Mostly they just reveal a lot of damage.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Maybe every guy like me just needs a best friend with a big cock.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Whatever, like I said, I’m not a political guy. This is probably half-baked. But can you imagine if people started Identifying as Hung. I can’t stop laughing.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Judge me? Cool. How about not judging me instead”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Sometimes I feel like my heart is a long hallway with every door locked. Locked by “gross,” “humiliating,” “unsafe,” “bitter,” or just in chastity. Exploring this lifestyle feels like unlocking those doors one at a time, except I guess for the last one.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I mean, if I was trans I probably wouldn't be able to shut up about it either.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“If I thought women were weak, I would think that I, who am weak, was a woman. But women aren’t weak, Kit’s living proof. Some people are weak. So I’m in this null zone that has no name, I’ve fallen out of masculinity, but I never landed, just falling forever. I think I’m too much of a feminist to be trans. But some women are losers too, what if I was like them? That’s something to think about, I guess. I can’t rule that out.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl