Quentin R. Bufogle > Quotes

“I want an avowed atheist in the White House. When time comes to push that button, I want whoever's making the decision to understand that once it's pushed, it's over. Finito. They're not gonna have lunch with Jesus. Won't be deflowering 72 virgins on the great shag carpet of eternity, or reincarnated as a cow. I want someone making that decision who believes life on this Earth isn't just a dress rehearsal for something better -- but the only shot we get.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle, Horse Latitudes

“Writing is the dragon that lives underneath my floorboards. The one I incessantly feed for fear it may turn and devour my ass. Writing is the friend who doesn't return my phone calls; the itch I'm unable to scratch; a dinner invitation from a cannibal; elevator music for a narcoleptic. Writing is the hope of lifting all boats by pissing in the ocean. Writing isn't something that makes me happy like a good cup of coffee. It's just something I do because not writing, as I've found, is so much worse.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Our love affair with guns has nothing to do with tyranny, or militias, or self-preservation. Just ask any NRA member the following: If Jesus Christ himself were to come down off the cross and grant you one wish, would you opt for a world without guns -- or the one we live in now? If every gun owner truly feared for their life and liberty, the answer would be obvious. But it's not about life and liberty. It's all about the sheer hard-on of owning a gun.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“As with most things, my approach to writing has been entirely ass-backwards. I first had to become everything but a writer -- exhaust all possibilities. I had to come to it on my knees. Only when there was truly nothing left, was I able to become a writer.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“After listening to Rick Santorum, I'm now for late-term abortions (say up to age 53).”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“I was eating a steak at a local restaurant last night, when a random woman said: "Y'know, you'd be much better off being a vegetarian." "Are you crazy?" I said, "The cow was a vegetarian and look what happened to it!”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“To all my fellow Americans who simply insist on hangin' on to those guns ... Two things: 1) Enjoy 'em! 2) Please keep them hidden in a safe, secure place where the young 'uns can't get at 'em (I'd suggest the same place you keep the textbooks on evolution and global warming).”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“I must give myself permission not to like myself. It's ok. Plenty of other people don't like me either. And I have much higher standards.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“If you're one of those delusional 2nd Amendment types who believes you and your trailer park 'militia' might need to take on the Army, the Navy, the 101st Airborne and SEAL Team 6; not only should you be denied the right to bear arms -- but the right to your belt & shoelaces as well ... 'cause you're stark, ravin' batshit!!!”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Religious freedom doesn't include the freedom to disregard the law and restrict another's freedom to believe and act differently. No one's forcing Catholic nuns to practice birth control, or priests to wear condoms (good idea tho). If you really feel your religious beliefs conflict with the mandates of running a business, the solution is simple: Get your ass out of the boardroom and back to the pulpit (where it belongs).”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Packy watched her walk away, her perfect heart-shaped rear end testing the confines of her tight black dress. There was a God. Packy was now certain of it. How else could such heart-stopping beauty be accounted for? Such a thing could not be the product of a random universe. A flower, maybe. A rainbow, perhaps. But not Venus Versailles.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle, Wish You Were Here: Stories and Essays Inspired by Fabulous Las Vegas Postcards

“If Heaven actually exists, I don't need anyone to be my real estate broker. After all, what is religion but an attempt to sell you a share in the ultimate gated community?”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Stupid is terminal. There is no cure. I know those who've beaten cancer, but not a single individual who's ever been cured of stupid. Fortunately, nature has its own way of thinning the herd. The stupid ultimately don't survive. The antelope that doesn't recognize the lion as predator, winds up inside the lion.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle, Horse Latitudes

“Guns kill far more quickly and efficiently than knives, or crossbows, or toenail clippers; and, unlike bombs, you don't need to build one in your basement -- they come ready-made! There's a reason why guns are the overwhelming weapon of choice among mass murderers.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Why do we still cling to the intellectually retarded notion that liberty can be obtained, maintained, or lost at the end of a gun barrel? When you're working 3 minimum wage jobs to make the minimum payment on a pair of socks you bought 12 years ago because your credit card company slapped you with an interest rate that would make a loan shark holler WTF! ... well, no one needs to hold a gun to your head. Your ass has already been sold down the river.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Always wanted a girl with a heart-shaped ass. Most of my exes have ass-shaped hearts.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Be thankful for the little you've got, and a little is all you're gonna get.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“One thing I love about politicians; they won't allow the truth to be obscured by a bunch of facts.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“People ask what's up with this writing business? What do I hope to accomplish? I tell 'em I'm just a brick mason; words are my bricks and I'm building a skyscraper -- one brick at a time.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Mass shootings are all part of a vast Left-wing conspiracy to undermine the 2nd Amendment and deprive your 6-year-old of his God-given right to bring a Bushmaster to class for "show and tell" ... The one he got from his psychotic, meth-addicted uncle's trailer while the latter was out getting the Confederate flag tattooed on his face. Remember, guns don't kill: the dimwits who insist EVERYONE should have the right to own 'em do.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“When has a civilian ever stopped a mass shooting with an AR-15? An AR-15 is a perfect weapon for mass murderers -- not so much for self-defense. Would you bring an AR-15 along on a date? To your place of work? To the movies? If not, how can owning an AR-15 save your life in the event of a mass shooting? Why does the NRA keep telling us we need semi-automatic rifles for self-defense? Whose side are they really on?”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“I believe a Christian muffler shop owner should have the same right to refuse service to a gay couple, as a gay lifeguard has to refuse service to a drowning Christian.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“We don't have a gun problem; we have a math problem: ZERO GUNS = ZERO GUN-RELATED DEATHS.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“Literature today is like elevator music for a narcoleptic.”
― Quentin R. Bufogle

“It takes a good guy with a gun, to stop a bad guy with a gun (unless the bad guy's a much better shot).”
― Quentin R. Bufogle