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“Overcome Shyness
Here are some tips for overcoming shyness:
• Work on your listening and communications skills.
• Learn more about reading nonverbal communication, such as body language
and facial expressions.
• Let others take the lead in conversations, then jump in after the discussion
has begun.
• Observe others in environments that elicit shyness in you.
• Learn to smile. It’s an ice-breaker.
• Learn to ask questions. That starts conversations.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Here are some tips for overcoming shyness:
• Work on your listening and communications skills.
• Learn more about reading nonverbal communication, such as body language
and facial expressions.
• Let others take the lead in conversations, then jump in after the discussion
has begun.
• Observe others in environments that elicit shyness in you.
• Learn to smile. It’s an ice-breaker.
• Learn to ask questions. That starts conversations.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Forgive Yourself for Failings
So, you messed up. Have you taken the steps outlined in this book, such as
mending fences, eating crow, offering a peace pipe, and breaking bread?
If so, then all you can do is get on with your life. You’ve done all you can to
correct the situation. Sometimes we have to just give people space to get over
something—and we have to forgive ourselves, too.
Beating yourself up over and over about a situation only continues to keep the
situation alive, not only in your mind, but in the other person’s mind as well. And it
puts you at risk of making the same mistake again.
If you’ve apologized, tried to restore the trust in the relationship, and changed
your behavior, then you’ve done your part. You’ve adequately taken responsibility,
and that’s something in which you can find honor.
We all mess up with each other from time to time. When you mess up, do the
right thing, then forgive yourself and move on.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
So, you messed up. Have you taken the steps outlined in this book, such as
mending fences, eating crow, offering a peace pipe, and breaking bread?
If so, then all you can do is get on with your life. You’ve done all you can to
correct the situation. Sometimes we have to just give people space to get over
something—and we have to forgive ourselves, too.
Beating yourself up over and over about a situation only continues to keep the
situation alive, not only in your mind, but in the other person’s mind as well. And it
puts you at risk of making the same mistake again.
If you’ve apologized, tried to restore the trust in the relationship, and changed
your behavior, then you’ve done your part. You’ve adequately taken responsibility,
and that’s something in which you can find honor.
We all mess up with each other from time to time. When you mess up, do the
right thing, then forgive yourself and move on.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Overcome Feeling Inferior
First, recognize that this feeling is almost always unfounded. Yes, you may well
have had some bad experiences in which your ideas and actions did not achieve
the desired result—we all experience that. But it’s very likely you’re just forgetting
your successes, too focused on one situation or set of circumstances. Low selfesteem
can leave us with a distorted view of reality, and that can be difficult to see
around.
If you do need to make improvements, then make them. Failures are almost
always caused by a series of factors. Find out what yours are. Do you need more
training? Do you need a mentor? Do you need more experience? If so, take care of
it.
Finally, remember that you do have strengths. Identify them and build on them.
Use them as often as you can, and you will be rewarded with successes. And those
successes will, in time, help combat the feeling of inferiority.
Recognize that no one is truly inferior to others. Inferiority is a barrier to creating
positive relationships. Overcome that inferiority.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
First, recognize that this feeling is almost always unfounded. Yes, you may well
have had some bad experiences in which your ideas and actions did not achieve
the desired result—we all experience that. But it’s very likely you’re just forgetting
your successes, too focused on one situation or set of circumstances. Low selfesteem
can leave us with a distorted view of reality, and that can be difficult to see
around.
If you do need to make improvements, then make them. Failures are almost
always caused by a series of factors. Find out what yours are. Do you need more
training? Do you need a mentor? Do you need more experience? If so, take care of
it.
Finally, remember that you do have strengths. Identify them and build on them.
Use them as often as you can, and you will be rewarded with successes. And those
successes will, in time, help combat the feeling of inferiority.
Recognize that no one is truly inferior to others. Inferiority is a barrier to creating
positive relationships. Overcome that inferiority.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Practice Good Listening
The most important element of good listening is simple: You have to want to
understand the other person’s point of view. Listening is not about agreeing, or
defending. It’s not about how often you nod your head in the conversation, how
many times you recap what the person said, or how many affirmations you give to
the other person. Those are techniques to help you become a better listener, but
they are not listening in themselves.
The fundamental purpose of listening is to gather information about the other
person, to understand where he’s coming from, how she views a situation, or what
he values. If you sit quietly and let others do the talking, you can have an excellent
opportunity to learn, to gather information. And that can be very powerful—in
several ways.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
The most important element of good listening is simple: You have to want to
understand the other person’s point of view. Listening is not about agreeing, or
defending. It’s not about how often you nod your head in the conversation, how
many times you recap what the person said, or how many affirmations you give to
the other person. Those are techniques to help you become a better listener, but
they are not listening in themselves.
The fundamental purpose of listening is to gather information about the other
person, to understand where he’s coming from, how she views a situation, or what
he values. If you sit quietly and let others do the talking, you can have an excellent
opportunity to learn, to gather information. And that can be very powerful—in
several ways.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Give People Space
When situations become heated, sometimes all people need is a little space, a
little time to cool off.
If you’re someone who needs closure on a tense situation, you may need to wait
a day or so and apply one of the relationship tips mentioned previously, such as
bringing the peace pipe, or breaking bread with someone. When people need
space, timing can make the difference between a mended fence and salt in the
wound.
Remember: If you’re feeling bad about the situation, it’s likely the other person is
too. And she may just need a day or two to hide out and lick her wounds—and
recover from her own embarrassment about how she also handled the situation.
Don’t let the silence bother you too much, but, if the person is still giving you the
cold shoulder after a few days, you’ll need to muster up the courage to sit down
with him one on one, and smooth things over—as much as is appropriate. You
should not extend yourself further than the situation warrants.
There is no shame in extending the olive branch. It only shows that you’re open to
working things out, and maintaining a productive relationship.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
When situations become heated, sometimes all people need is a little space, a
little time to cool off.
If you’re someone who needs closure on a tense situation, you may need to wait
a day or so and apply one of the relationship tips mentioned previously, such as
bringing the peace pipe, or breaking bread with someone. When people need
space, timing can make the difference between a mended fence and salt in the
wound.
Remember: If you’re feeling bad about the situation, it’s likely the other person is
too. And she may just need a day or two to hide out and lick her wounds—and
recover from her own embarrassment about how she also handled the situation.
Don’t let the silence bother you too much, but, if the person is still giving you the
cold shoulder after a few days, you’ll need to muster up the courage to sit down
with him one on one, and smooth things over—as much as is appropriate. You
should not extend yourself further than the situation warrants.
There is no shame in extending the olive branch. It only shows that you’re open to
working things out, and maintaining a productive relationship.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Look for Middle Ground
The best way to resolve a disagreement is to find middle ground to meet the
person halfway.
Finding middle ground is the key to creating a win-win in a disagreement. And
you want to always strive for the win-win. That way you and the other person both
walk away feeling as though you’ve gotten something you wanted.
The best way to find middle ground is to ask questions of the person—to be askassertive.
A simple question to kick off the conversation could be: “Tom, what
would you see as success on this project?” From Tom’s answer, you gain insight
into where you can meet him halfway—where you can establish middle ground.
And there is always an opportunity for you to give enough to help the other
person give a little, too. In fact, most people will back off of a hardline position
when they see the other person is willing to be flexible.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
The best way to resolve a disagreement is to find middle ground to meet the
person halfway.
Finding middle ground is the key to creating a win-win in a disagreement. And
you want to always strive for the win-win. That way you and the other person both
walk away feeling as though you’ve gotten something you wanted.
The best way to find middle ground is to ask questions of the person—to be askassertive.
A simple question to kick off the conversation could be: “Tom, what
would you see as success on this project?” From Tom’s answer, you gain insight
into where you can meet him halfway—where you can establish middle ground.
And there is always an opportunity for you to give enough to help the other
person give a little, too. In fact, most people will back off of a hardline position
when they see the other person is willing to be flexible.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Breathe!
Researchers have found that, when your adrenaline is pumping, your brain gets
less oxygen, and that impairs your ability to reason.
When you find yourself in a conflict situation, stop talking and take a deep breath.
In fact, take several.
The simple act of breathing will get oxygen flowing to your brain cells, and will put
them back into action, so you can stop yourself from saying or doing something you
may regret later.
Ever done that? Been in a conversation that was going south and later thought
back to what you said? Did you ask yourself: “What was I thinking?” Well, science
tells us that if your adrenaline kicked in, you probably weren’t thinking—at least not
clearly.
Breathing helps you get your fight-or-flight response back in check, and returns
control to the thinking part of your brain.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Researchers have found that, when your adrenaline is pumping, your brain gets
less oxygen, and that impairs your ability to reason.
When you find yourself in a conflict situation, stop talking and take a deep breath.
In fact, take several.
The simple act of breathing will get oxygen flowing to your brain cells, and will put
them back into action, so you can stop yourself from saying or doing something you
may regret later.
Ever done that? Been in a conversation that was going south and later thought
back to what you said? Did you ask yourself: “What was I thinking?” Well, science
tells us that if your adrenaline kicked in, you probably weren’t thinking—at least not
clearly.
Breathing helps you get your fight-or-flight response back in check, and returns
control to the thinking part of your brain.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Start From a Point of Commonality
What do we have in common? That’s the first question you want to ask yourself
when tension raises its ugly head in a working relationship.
Why? Because starting from a point of agreement, or commonality, helps you and
the other person get focused on where you’re alike, instead of focusing your
thoughts on where you’re different.
So, think about what you and your nemesis have in common. Are you both
passionate about your company? Do you each have a strong work ethic? Are you
both bright?
Are these traits about yourself that you respect? Then couldn’t you also respect
them about the other person, and use them as a launching pad for a better
relationship?”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
What do we have in common? That’s the first question you want to ask yourself
when tension raises its ugly head in a working relationship.
Why? Because starting from a point of agreement, or commonality, helps you and
the other person get focused on where you’re alike, instead of focusing your
thoughts on where you’re different.
So, think about what you and your nemesis have in common. Are you both
passionate about your company? Do you each have a strong work ethic? Are you
both bright?
Are these traits about yourself that you respect? Then couldn’t you also respect
them about the other person, and use them as a launching pad for a better
relationship?”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Can’t we all just get along? Unfortunately, no. Not always.
Some people just don’t want to make that effort. And there are people who don’t
want to play by the same rules. They don’t think they have to be considerate,
respectful, fair, compassionate, and so on. Others may believe themselves to be
superior to others for some reason, either due to position, authority, social status,
wealth, politics, or religious beliefs.
You are not one of these people, of course. But you will encounter others who are.
It is an unfortunate fact of life. And we all have to contend with these folks at some
point or other—in some work environments, you may have to contend with them
every day.
Accepting the fact that people will just not be inclined to get along with you or
others is not to say that you should be on the lookout for these folks. The point is to
accept that we cannot always get along with some people.
So, what do to? When you encounter someone who repeatedly shows you she is
not willing to do her part to get along with you, be polite, be respectful, but limit
your interaction with this person. If you have made a sincere effort to make a
connection with her and she does not return the effort, then the problem becomes
hers.
As long as you take the high road, you have nothing to feel bad about. Just
continue to be yourself and get on with your day.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Can’t we all just get along? Unfortunately, no. Not always.
Some people just don’t want to make that effort. And there are people who don’t
want to play by the same rules. They don’t think they have to be considerate,
respectful, fair, compassionate, and so on. Others may believe themselves to be
superior to others for some reason, either due to position, authority, social status,
wealth, politics, or religious beliefs.
You are not one of these people, of course. But you will encounter others who are.
It is an unfortunate fact of life. And we all have to contend with these folks at some
point or other—in some work environments, you may have to contend with them
every day.
Accepting the fact that people will just not be inclined to get along with you or
others is not to say that you should be on the lookout for these folks. The point is to
accept that we cannot always get along with some people.
So, what do to? When you encounter someone who repeatedly shows you she is
not willing to do her part to get along with you, be polite, be respectful, but limit
your interaction with this person. If you have made a sincere effort to make a
connection with her and she does not return the effort, then the problem becomes
hers.
As long as you take the high road, you have nothing to feel bad about. Just
continue to be yourself and get on with your day.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Winner Never Takes All
If your approach to conflict has been to win at all costs, then that cost could be
very high for you in the long run.
We’ve all met them—the people who have to win the debate, trump the
argument, and put down all opposition for the sheer enjoyment of being right.
And just as we learn when we drive in traffic, you may have the right-of-way to
make that left turn, but the guy speeding toward you may not care—and you end
up with the honor of being dead right. Wow! How useful!
Winning at all costs is a short-term and shortsighted strategy. Sure, you might
win in the heat of battle, but you could leave a lot of carnage on the battlefield, and
wounds that will never heal with some people.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
If your approach to conflict has been to win at all costs, then that cost could be
very high for you in the long run.
We’ve all met them—the people who have to win the debate, trump the
argument, and put down all opposition for the sheer enjoyment of being right.
And just as we learn when we drive in traffic, you may have the right-of-way to
make that left turn, but the guy speeding toward you may not care—and you end
up with the honor of being dead right. Wow! How useful!
Winning at all costs is a short-term and shortsighted strategy. Sure, you might
win in the heat of battle, but you could leave a lot of carnage on the battlefield, and
wounds that will never heal with some people.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“See Rough Starts as an Opportunity
Yeah, we’ve all done it—stepped in it right out of the gate, put our foot in our
mouth, said something insensitive or just flat-out wrong.
When this happens with others we’ve known for a while, and with whom we’ve
built a rapport in time, we get a margin of forgiveness. But when it happens with
people we’re meeting for the first time, it often results in a rough start.
Some people let their pride or embarrassment rule them in these situation. These
folks practice avoidance behavior; they avoid the person thereafter.
This is the wrong approach. When things start out rocky, go ask for a mulligan—a
do-over. This doesn’t mean you have to grovel or supplicate yourself. Your
approach could be as simple as, “Sorry about what I said earlier. I clearly wasn’t in
my right mind.” Most people will laugh; if not outwardly, they will on the inside.
Why? Because we’ve all been there; we’ve all done that.
Circling back to smooth over a rough start shows you have integrity
and courage.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Yeah, we’ve all done it—stepped in it right out of the gate, put our foot in our
mouth, said something insensitive or just flat-out wrong.
When this happens with others we’ve known for a while, and with whom we’ve
built a rapport in time, we get a margin of forgiveness. But when it happens with
people we’re meeting for the first time, it often results in a rough start.
Some people let their pride or embarrassment rule them in these situation. These
folks practice avoidance behavior; they avoid the person thereafter.
This is the wrong approach. When things start out rocky, go ask for a mulligan—a
do-over. This doesn’t mean you have to grovel or supplicate yourself. Your
approach could be as simple as, “Sorry about what I said earlier. I clearly wasn’t in
my right mind.” Most people will laugh; if not outwardly, they will on the inside.
Why? Because we’ve all been there; we’ve all done that.
Circling back to smooth over a rough start shows you have integrity
and courage.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Be the First to Offer the Olive Branch—or the Peace Pipe
Ever felt as though you were in a stalemate with someone with whom you’ve had
a dust-up? It’s very likely she would like to put the situation behind her too. In most
cases, people avoid each other after a wrangling because they are both afraid the
other person will either do him more injury, or reject his overtures of apology.
So, dig out the olive branch—or a peace pipe—and start that long walk down the
company corridors to deliver it. Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything.
Getting things back on track with someone might be as simple as dropping off a can
of their favorite soda—without any pomp or circumstance.
In short, find a way either directly or indirectly—depending on how bad the dustup
was—to be the first to mend fences. Your efforts will very likely be rewarded.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Ever felt as though you were in a stalemate with someone with whom you’ve had
a dust-up? It’s very likely she would like to put the situation behind her too. In most
cases, people avoid each other after a wrangling because they are both afraid the
other person will either do him more injury, or reject his overtures of apology.
So, dig out the olive branch—or a peace pipe—and start that long walk down the
company corridors to deliver it. Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything.
Getting things back on track with someone might be as simple as dropping off a can
of their favorite soda—without any pomp or circumstance.
In short, find a way either directly or indirectly—depending on how bad the dustup
was—to be the first to mend fences. Your efforts will very likely be rewarded.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Within just a few weeks of
starting back at college, Michael’s demeanor began to change. He smiled and joked
more, he walked straighter, and he looked people in the eye with confidence.
Working toward his goal gave him a focus, a path to follow, and hope.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
starting back at college, Michael’s demeanor began to change. He smiled and joked
more, he walked straighter, and he looked people in the eye with confidence.
Working toward his goal gave him a focus, a path to follow, and hope.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“We hold that all evidence obtained by searches and seizures in violation of the Constitution is, by that same authority, inadmissible in a state court.”
― Privacy, Warrants, Searches, and Seizures Supreme Court Decisions
― Privacy, Warrants, Searches, and Seizures Supreme Court Decisions
“And once law enforcement officers have secured a cell phone, there is no longer any risk that the arrestee himself will be able to delete incriminating data from the phone.”
― Fourth Amendment Supreme Court Decisions
― Fourth Amendment Supreme Court Decisions
“Pick Your Battles
You’ll be pretty worn out, and friendless, if you try to fight every battle that
comes your way on the relationship front. In fact, people who try to fight every
battle are often seen as reactive and extremist, and are rarely taken seriously.
But the wise among us know that people make mistakes, they have general
human failings, and the wise know that we have to let bygones be bygones many
times in our relationships with people.
If you take a live-and-let-live approach to dealing with people, you will find that
they will give the same to you. Let the petty go, let it roll off your back, and save
your energy for the bigger things that can bring real meaning to your life.
Not only will this help you stay balanced, but it will also make people more apt to
forgive and forget quickly when you mess up yourself—and you will, from time to
time.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
You’ll be pretty worn out, and friendless, if you try to fight every battle that
comes your way on the relationship front. In fact, people who try to fight every
battle are often seen as reactive and extremist, and are rarely taken seriously.
But the wise among us know that people make mistakes, they have general
human failings, and the wise know that we have to let bygones be bygones many
times in our relationships with people.
If you take a live-and-let-live approach to dealing with people, you will find that
they will give the same to you. Let the petty go, let it roll off your back, and save
your energy for the bigger things that can bring real meaning to your life.
Not only will this help you stay balanced, but it will also make people more apt to
forgive and forget quickly when you mess up yourself—and you will, from time to
time.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Be Mindful of Your Thoughts; They Can Be a Path to the Dark
Side
If you walk around with negative and critical thoughts about your
coworkers, that will be the nature of your relationships.
People can pick up on a vibe from you, and they know if you have less-thanfavorable
thoughts about them.
People can usually pick up on a negative vibe based on nonverbal
communication, such as body language, gestures, and tone, which are all founded
on what’s running through your head. But when you give people the benefit of the
doubt and believe they are working from their best intentions, you can counter
those negative thoughts.
So, let go. Assume the best of people, until they give you clear and consistent
reason not to.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Side
If you walk around with negative and critical thoughts about your
coworkers, that will be the nature of your relationships.
People can pick up on a vibe from you, and they know if you have less-thanfavorable
thoughts about them.
People can usually pick up on a negative vibe based on nonverbal
communication, such as body language, gestures, and tone, which are all founded
on what’s running through your head. But when you give people the benefit of the
doubt and believe they are working from their best intentions, you can counter
those negative thoughts.
So, let go. Assume the best of people, until they give you clear and consistent
reason not to.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Get Clear
Another quick and easy way to head off conflict is to make sure you understand
the situation.
Ever gone all reactive on someone only to find out later that you completely
misunderstood the situation or his intentions? Ever let your biases or personal
dislikes of someone make you think the worst of him—only to be proven wrong
later?
Make it part of your personal policy not to act in a disagreement until
you’re sure you have the facts; without them, you can’t be sure a
disagreement truly exists.
So, before you head off down the warpath after someone, make sure you have
the facts. And the best technique for gathering that information is to go to the
person you’re about to scalp—but leave the tomahawk in your office and bring the
peace pipe instead (Idea 125).”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Another quick and easy way to head off conflict is to make sure you understand
the situation.
Ever gone all reactive on someone only to find out later that you completely
misunderstood the situation or his intentions? Ever let your biases or personal
dislikes of someone make you think the worst of him—only to be proven wrong
later?
Make it part of your personal policy not to act in a disagreement until
you’re sure you have the facts; without them, you can’t be sure a
disagreement truly exists.
So, before you head off down the warpath after someone, make sure you have
the facts. And the best technique for gathering that information is to go to the
person you’re about to scalp—but leave the tomahawk in your office and bring the
peace pipe instead (Idea 125).”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Look ’Em in the Eye
Okay, this is not a game of optical chicken, to see who blinks first. Looking
someone in the eye is again one of those basic, yet often overlooked and
underestimated ways to connect with people. Similar to remembering someone’s
name, looking someone in the eye is one of those subtle yet very powerful acts of
respect.
Looking someone in the eye comes naturally when you’re listening and engaged
in the conversation. If you do this, you’ll be much more productive in building
relationships and winning people’s trust. And you’ll earn their respect.
Looking someone in the eye demonstrates your respect for others and
confidence in yourself.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Okay, this is not a game of optical chicken, to see who blinks first. Looking
someone in the eye is again one of those basic, yet often overlooked and
underestimated ways to connect with people. Similar to remembering someone’s
name, looking someone in the eye is one of those subtle yet very powerful acts of
respect.
Looking someone in the eye comes naturally when you’re listening and engaged
in the conversation. If you do this, you’ll be much more productive in building
relationships and winning people’s trust. And you’ll earn their respect.
Looking someone in the eye demonstrates your respect for others and
confidence in yourself.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Watch Your Body Language—It Speaks Volumes
Not only do your words and voice speak volumes in a disagreement, but so do
your body language and tone.
That’s right! The vast majority of what you say never comes out of your mouth,
but it’s on display for all to see. For example, if you start to doodle on your notepad
while someone is talking, you send the clear message that you don’t value what
that person says. Or, if you talk on top of someone, cutting her off midsentence,
you send the message that you believe she is inferior to you.
Be careful of the message you’re sending with your body language. Your words
could be saying one thing, but your gestures speaking much louder.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Not only do your words and voice speak volumes in a disagreement, but so do
your body language and tone.
That’s right! The vast majority of what you say never comes out of your mouth,
but it’s on display for all to see. For example, if you start to doodle on your notepad
while someone is talking, you send the clear message that you don’t value what
that person says. Or, if you talk on top of someone, cutting her off midsentence,
you send the message that you believe she is inferior to you.
Be careful of the message you’re sending with your body language. Your words
could be saying one thing, but your gestures speaking much louder.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Nothing can destroy a government more quickly than its failure to observe its own laws, or worse, its disregard of the charter of its own existence.”
― Privacy, Warrants, Searches, and Seizures Supreme Court Decisions
― Privacy, Warrants, Searches, and Seizures Supreme Court Decisions
“Forgive Others as Well
Just as you have to forgive yourself for your own failings, you also have to forgive
others when they fail you.
And others will fail you—both intentionally and unintentionally. The latter is much
easier to forgive, if we know someone did not mean to hurt us. But what about
those who fully intended to do us harm?
You may need to put the moose on the table (Idea 145) with these folks, but when
that’s said and done, then you have to get over it and get on with your life.
Forgiving others requires you to travel the high road. And sometimes that’s a hard
road to take. But for the sake of your own integrity and sanity, it’s an important
journey for you.
With people who fail us intentionally, you have to stand up and be the bigger
person, and accept the fact that these folks have some growing to do. As long as
you don’t let their shortcomings become your own, you can use the situation as a
learning experience and a growth opportunity for your own maturity.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Just as you have to forgive yourself for your own failings, you also have to forgive
others when they fail you.
And others will fail you—both intentionally and unintentionally. The latter is much
easier to forgive, if we know someone did not mean to hurt us. But what about
those who fully intended to do us harm?
You may need to put the moose on the table (Idea 145) with these folks, but when
that’s said and done, then you have to get over it and get on with your life.
Forgiving others requires you to travel the high road. And sometimes that’s a hard
road to take. But for the sake of your own integrity and sanity, it’s an important
journey for you.
With people who fail us intentionally, you have to stand up and be the bigger
person, and accept the fact that these folks have some growing to do. As long as
you don’t let their shortcomings become your own, you can use the situation as a
learning experience and a growth opportunity for your own maturity.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Mend Fences
If you make mistakes in dealing with people, be quick to acknowledge and correct
them. For example, if someone has asked you to keep something confidential, and
you let the cat out of the bag, make a beeline to that person’s office to apologize.
Do not let another minute set on that type of situation. Mistakes that erode
people’s trust in you must be corrected immediately.
If the mistake is just a simple mishap or uninten tional error, take care of it at the
first opportunity—which generally means finding an opportunity within the next 24
hours. Track down the person, bring the peace pipe (Idea 125), and dive right in to
an apology.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
If you make mistakes in dealing with people, be quick to acknowledge and correct
them. For example, if someone has asked you to keep something confidential, and
you let the cat out of the bag, make a beeline to that person’s office to apologize.
Do not let another minute set on that type of situation. Mistakes that erode
people’s trust in you must be corrected immediately.
If the mistake is just a simple mishap or uninten tional error, take care of it at the
first opportunity—which generally means finding an opportunity within the next 24
hours. Track down the person, bring the peace pipe (Idea 125), and dive right in to
an apology.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“The point of the Fourth Amendment which often is not grasped by zealous officers is not that it denies law enforcement the support of the usual inferences which reasonable men draw from evidence. Its protection consists in requiring that those inferences be drawn by a neutral and detached magistrate instead of being judged by the officer engaged in the often competitive enterprise of ferreting out crime.”
― Privacy, Warrants, Searches, and Seizures Supreme Court Decisions
― Privacy, Warrants, Searches, and Seizures Supreme Court Decisions
“factual findings and legal conclusions and denied Rodriguez’s”
― Fourth Amendment Supreme Court Decisions
― Fourth Amendment Supreme Court Decisions
“Having Your Say Doesn’t Mean Always Having Your Way
Go into situations with reasonable expectations: Just because you’re being given
a voice on an issue doesn’t mean your ideas will be accepted. A good way to put
this into perspective, and avoid letting these incidents deflate your confidence, is to
think of a baseball batting average. If you get more than 30 percent of your ideas
accepted during your tenure with a particular organization, you’re doing well. And
those who have learned to master the art of listening and learning are likely to bat
a 70-percent average.
The point is to have reasonable expectations that being heard doesn’t always
translate into things going your way. If you understand this, you will head off
disagreements and potential conflict based on your own personal view of reality—
because your reality may not be the same as someone else’s.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Go into situations with reasonable expectations: Just because you’re being given
a voice on an issue doesn’t mean your ideas will be accepted. A good way to put
this into perspective, and avoid letting these incidents deflate your confidence, is to
think of a baseball batting average. If you get more than 30 percent of your ideas
accepted during your tenure with a particular organization, you’re doing well. And
those who have learned to master the art of listening and learning are likely to bat
a 70-percent average.
The point is to have reasonable expectations that being heard doesn’t always
translate into things going your way. If you understand this, you will head off
disagreements and potential conflict based on your own personal view of reality—
because your reality may not be the same as someone else’s.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“What a person knowingly exposes to the public, even in his own home or office, is not a subject of Fourth Amendment protection.”
― Fourth Amendment Supreme Court Decisions
― Fourth Amendment Supreme Court Decisions
“He Who Keeps His Mouth Shut, Keeps His Life
Silence is golden—and never more so than when conflict arises. The old adage
that recommends that you listen twice as much as you talk is absolutely true in
tense circumstances.
When it comes to talking during conflict, take the less-is-more approach. This is
particularly true if the other party is the boss, the office hothead, or someone with
whom you don’t have rapport yet.
In fact, the more you talk in a conflict situation, the more you run the risk of
saying something that could be career limiting—especially if the disagreement is
with the boss.
Be careful, however, not to interpret this advice as a suggestion that you should
be sullen or obstinate. That can get you into trouble, too. The point is to keep your
intentions focused on resolving the issue in a way that keeps the relationship from
going south. Keeping your ears and mind open, and your mouth closed for the most
part, is a better approach than pushing your case in the face of conflict.”
―
Silence is golden—and never more so than when conflict arises. The old adage
that recommends that you listen twice as much as you talk is absolutely true in
tense circumstances.
When it comes to talking during conflict, take the less-is-more approach. This is
particularly true if the other party is the boss, the office hothead, or someone with
whom you don’t have rapport yet.
In fact, the more you talk in a conflict situation, the more you run the risk of
saying something that could be career limiting—especially if the disagreement is
with the boss.
Be careful, however, not to interpret this advice as a suggestion that you should
be sullen or obstinate. That can get you into trouble, too. The point is to keep your
intentions focused on resolving the issue in a way that keeps the relationship from
going south. Keeping your ears and mind open, and your mouth closed for the most
part, is a better approach than pushing your case in the face of conflict.”
―
“Fight for the Relationship
When you fight for the future of a working relationship, you often have to fight
your own demons, your own inclinations, and your own temptations to win in the
short term. You have to fight the urge to beat someone mentally into seeing things
your way. When you experience difficult discussions with others, always keep the
future in mind.
Ask yourself this series of questions: What do you want that
relationship to ultimately be? How can that relationship ultimately benefit you, your
work, and your organization? Does a short-term win get you there, or is living to
fight another day a better strategy?
To achieve a long-term victory out of conflict, you have to reach for the win-win.
It’s the only way to play the relationship game.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
When you fight for the future of a working relationship, you often have to fight
your own demons, your own inclinations, and your own temptations to win in the
short term. You have to fight the urge to beat someone mentally into seeing things
your way. When you experience difficult discussions with others, always keep the
future in mind.
Ask yourself this series of questions: What do you want that
relationship to ultimately be? How can that relationship ultimately benefit you, your
work, and your organization? Does a short-term win get you there, or is living to
fight another day a better strategy?
To achieve a long-term victory out of conflict, you have to reach for the win-win.
It’s the only way to play the relationship game.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
“Present, Don’t Persuade
One of the most common mistakes we make in a disagreement is to convince
ourselves that we must persuade the other person to see our point of view.
But all we really need to do is lay out the facts or circumstances. Though people
are first and foremost emotional creatures, their emotions are guided by rationality
and reason—for the most part.
When you lay out the facts of a situation—in a calm and collected manner—you
appeal to people’s sense of reason. And you demonstrate that you respect their
ability to assess the situation with good judgment.
Persuading people, on the other hand, can come off as manipulative. It can send
the message that they’re not sensible enough to assess the facts, or that they’re
not capable of making a good decision and have to be given passionate direction.
To avoid sending this message, change your tactic. Simply lay out the
circumstances or facts of why you have come to your position on a matter, and
then give people space—and time—to consider them.
You will be pleasantly surprised by the results. You may not get agreement on
every point, but it’s more than likely the person will at least meet you halfway.
Many times that is all you can ask.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
One of the most common mistakes we make in a disagreement is to convince
ourselves that we must persuade the other person to see our point of view.
But all we really need to do is lay out the facts or circumstances. Though people
are first and foremost emotional creatures, their emotions are guided by rationality
and reason—for the most part.
When you lay out the facts of a situation—in a calm and collected manner—you
appeal to people’s sense of reason. And you demonstrate that you respect their
ability to assess the situation with good judgment.
Persuading people, on the other hand, can come off as manipulative. It can send
the message that they’re not sensible enough to assess the facts, or that they’re
not capable of making a good decision and have to be given passionate direction.
To avoid sending this message, change your tactic. Simply lay out the
circumstances or facts of why you have come to your position on a matter, and
then give people space—and time—to consider them.
You will be pleasantly surprised by the results. You may not get agreement on
every point, but it’s more than likely the person will at least meet you halfway.
Many times that is all you can ask.”
― 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
