David W. Augsburger > Quotes

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard: How to Hear and How to Be Heard in Equal Communication

“Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of that finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness. So let us forgive, for in forgiving, we too are forgiven.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Forgive--Caring Enough Not to Forgive

“One must forgive, or he will not be forgiven. If one does not forgive her sister or brother, she will not be forgiven of God who forgives us our debts as we forgive our debtors. If I refuse to forgive another, the resentment, the brooding over retaliation, the desire for repayment can poison my own spirit.... Unfortunately, it is the self-liberating side of forgiveness that is frequently valued to the exclusion or the omission of the reconciling concern for the relationship. If I forgive another because resenting would be self-destructive, and withholding forgiveness would cut me off from right relationships with the One whose forgiveness is needed above all, I've missed the whole point. No matter how noble or splendid I may feel, it is not at all what Jesus intended. The goal of caring, of confrontation, of forgiveness is not self-salvation, it is reconciliation. The end intended is to regain the brother, to recover the sister, to restore the relationship.... The goal is community restored, not private perfection maintained. When 'forgiveness' ends open relationship, leaves people estranged, don't rush to it, it's not forgiveness; it's a face-saving, self-saving, time-saving escape.... When what was estranged is brought back into fellowship again; when what was fragmented is whole again, when what was alienated is reunited, then forgiveness has come.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Forgive--Caring Enough Not to Forgive

“Life is a series of trust ventures: it is trust risked, risk rewarded, new trust ventured, and new risks taken. Living is a constant movement between the twin tensions of trust and risk. As they go hand in hand, or join hands in willing forgiveness, we grow.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Forgive--Caring Enough Not to Forgive

“The inability to say good-by leaves one unable to live cleanly in the present and incapable of seeing clearly what is here, now, present before him or her. In failing to say good-by, the person carries along images of persons, after-effects of situations, dated emotions of past conflicts, obsolete perceptions that are no longer valid, fixed opinions that are not open to reconsideration, reified judgments that have turned to stone. A whole coterie of ghosts, phantoms, and dramatic fantasies hover over his thinking, plaguing him with fears and danger warnings.... To say good-by is to let go of the past - without rewriting its history to suit my pride system, reworking its failure through rituals of undoing, resuffering its pain in an attempt at atonement. And it is to let oneself go into the future, free, unencumbered, and relatively unafraid.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Forgive--Caring Enough Not to Forgive

“Cutting the common connection between personhood and performance sets one free to change and grow, to reflect on and redirect one's behavior, to receive criticism without experiencing it as an attack, to constantly transcend the present moment and become more than I have been in the preceding one. As perceptions of love are restored, the wrongdoing can now be seen for what it is - a wrong choice to take a wrong action in a wrong direction. The anger can be focused on the behavior, not the one misbehaving. Both anger and love become and invitation for the person to own what has been done without defense or denial and move toward repentant change. Acceptance of the person is now kept distinct from approval of that person's intentions or actions. One can stand truly with the other while standing fully for one's values, commitments and convictions, as negotiations of trust are begun again.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Forgive--Caring Enough Not to Forgive