Neil Leckman > Quotes

“Sitting in front of my fireplace, basking in it's warm glow gives me time to reflect upon the sacrifices that it has taken for me to enjoy the security of a good home, in a safe environment. I can hear the soft whisper of the snow as it caresses my window and covers the ground outside in a scintillating display of sparkling lights under the full moon. How many times have our service men and women watched this same scene from a foxhole, or camped in some remote part of the world. Thankful for the silence of that moment, knowing it won’t last long. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He/she dresses in fatigues and patrols the world restlessly, ensuring that we can have this peaceful night. Every day they give us the gift of this lifestyle that we enjoy, and every night they watch over us. They are warriors, angels, guardians, friends, brothers, fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers, forming a family that stretches back to the beginning of the country. So tonight when you go to bed say a prayer that God watch over those who watch over us, and thank them for their sacrifices, on and off the battlefield. Pray that they have a peaceful night, and will be home soon with their families who also share their burden. Without them we would not have this moment.”
― Neil Leckman

“I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Is it worth the effort to tell an idiot that they are profoundly stupid? Or is it just good fun to see the blank stare?”
― Neil Leckman

“Remember never to text and drive, it's bad grammar, even if you have a deadline. You might cross the line and dead may be your destination. Think about it!!”
― Neil Leckman

“I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!”
― Neil Leckman

“If I have multiple personalities will I taste better to a zombie, or is the effort simply wasted?
I've talked it over with myself, and neither of us could agree if that is true or not!!!”
― Neil Leckman

“So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".”
― Neil Leckman

“Quickly look down, now you tell me, when you were little did you ever imagine that you'd be wearing those shoes? Mind blowing isn't it?”
― Neil Leckman

“This was to be my last trip. Sailing great distances was dangerous, and not very profitable in today's world. I walked down the worn wooden step to the captain's cabin, the creaking of the ship keeping time with my steps. Opening the door I found him bent over an old map.
"Where are we captain?" I asked, hoping it was close to home.
"See this spot, where it says "Here there be monsters"?" he said pointing to an image of a horrid beast.
"Certainly, but you and I both know such creatures don't exist!!"
The captain laughed, and looking up at me with an evil glint in his eye said, "Who's talking about sea monsters?". As he spoke the skin from one corner of his mouth fell loose, exposing a yellow reptilian skin beneath.
"What?" I yelled, and as I turned to run for the cabin door I heard screams and loud moans coming from the deck, and the crew quarters below.
I felt fetid breath on the back of my neck, "Aye matey, here there be monsters”
― Neil Leckman

“One of the joys of being a grandparent is giving your grandchild caffeinated sugary drinks late in the day, and sending them home. Do you have any idea how many years I had to wait for that?”
― Neil Leckman

“I always wonder how many potholes there are in the road less taken. I mean it's great to go where others don't, but is it maintained?”
― Neil Leckman

“Thrice damned she howls like Cerberus to the night
Guarding virtues that lie like forgotten stains
On oaken floors that pave the willow lined paths of the past
That lead to a meadow filled with the detritus of wasted love
Rotting under a forgotten sun that no longer shines
In a heart gone cold therein lies the haste of anger.”
― Neil Leckman

“The man said, "The toy cars are a dollar a piece". The boy thought about that a moment and asked, "How much for the whole thing?”
― Neil Leckman

“If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?”
― Neil Leckman

“Remember, never apply too much torque or you'll bust your nuts!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Somebody once told me that I need a reality check, I told them that I'll accept money from any source.”
― Neil Leckman

“I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.”
― Neil Leckman

“It has been brought to my attention that I may be a verbivore. I consumptor of words, that I subsequently spew forth with considerable consternation.

A Volley of verbs that are quite vexing has taken form, perhaps under the guise of consonants most foul!! Where have you wandered faithful vowels?”
― Neil Leckman

“I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges soaking up so much water.”
― Neil Leckman

“Headstones:

What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!"

"This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide."

"OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!”
― Neil Leckman

“I tried to walk a mile in a man's shoes once. I ended up running most of the way!! Seems he wanted them back..”
― Neil Leckman

“Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Is it possible to be ticket for going too fast during speed dating?”
― Neil Leckman

“A great book is a thing of mystery and beauty; it has the power to move you.”
― Neil Leckman

“Vegan Vengeance" - A Vegan teams up with “Carrot Chick", Broccoli Boy" and Paul Potato" to battle meat eaters everywhere. If “Oliver Onion” joins in they may stand a chance of making the enemy cry every time they eat meat!!”
― Neil Leckman

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Remember children, once I am gone I will be part of it all
Everything will be me and together be free
The songs of the birds will be my voice in joyous refrain
The caress of the soft summer breeze will be my touch from afar
The sunset in glorious golden red hues, my display of love
The soft murmur of the stream as it lulls you to sleep my lullaby
Close your eyes and open your heart that I may touch you.
There shall I dwell ever close, embracing you with every beat of your heart
Smile and feel the joy I share now with you.”
― Neil Leckman

“On moonless nights in haunted hollow
The tongues of beasts, men's blood do swallow
Shape shifting shadows that soon will fade
Leaving lifeless husks in that mountain glade
Swift now close thy sleepy eyes
Hope that your dreams hold no surprise.”
― Neil Leckman

“I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!”
― Neil Leckman

“You know what they say. "One man's joke is another man's brother”
― Neil Leckman