Babe Walker > Quotes

“I’ve found that falling asleep is the best way to politely excuse yourself from an unwanted interaction.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“She looked like a dead Teletubby.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“I immediately felt attracted to him, so I ignored him.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“I may have lit the match, but it was karma that kept the fire blazing.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“It was like skydiving but way more intense. Like if you took two Ambien and then went skydiving and forced yourself to stay awake the entire time.”
― Babe Walker

“My dad should have listened to me when I told him that college was not my thing. Instead, he insisted on learning a $200,000 lesson the hard way. That’s the thing about college—you pay a ton of money just to realize that everyone is a fucking moron.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“She knew what she wanted, got what she wanted, and did so with a measure of grace that made you realize that she operated on another level.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“I don't really know who you are, but I'd appreciate it if I never found out.”
― Babe Walker

“That being said, I fucking HATE shopping with other people. I insist on doing it alone because it’s the only activity that truly centers me. It’s meditative and personal.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“If you are a girl, and you’ve had a significant relationship with someone, chances are you’ve saved all the pictures/letters/supercute little notes from that relationship in a box that is somewhere in your room or apartment or mansion.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“Even though I don’t give a shit about sports, I’ll always give a shit about courtside seats. It’s just who I am.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“You know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to smoke two Marlboro Lights, brush my teeth, pull my hair into a chic/grungy little bun, put on my black shawl and a pair of Lanvin flats, walk down the hall to that smelly girl from Arizona’s room, steal ten Adderall from her stash, come back to my room, and write down all my life’s problems from start to finish.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“If anyone wearing flip-flops tells you they’re doing well, they’re lying.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“We adopted a pug with cancer and changed his name from Lucas to Lulu Guinness. I’m in the process of turning him gay by telling him he’s gay every morning. It’s not working, but it gives me a purpose.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“I’ll be on more drugs than Burning Man himself, but I’ll go.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“My choice of nail color represents three things: my mood color at the time, an interpretation of Nature’s seasonal color of the moment, and finally, a touch of influence from the week’s racks at Barneys.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“Endorphins were my cocaine and Lululemon pants were my rolled-up hundred-dollar bills.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“When I first got to rehab, I was morbidly obese. Not physically, but emotionally.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“Sometimes, when you arrive somewhere, it’s a good idea to pretend you can’t find the person you’re meeting, even if you’re looking right at them. I can’t really explain why, but it sets up a good power dynamic between you and your friends. Also, approaching large groups of people alone is not cute.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“His intrusion into my life was an assault on everything I hold dear: my body, my mind, and my Birkins.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“And then I totally lost consciousness, but I kept repeating those words: “I can’t.” Over and over and over. It was like a seizure fucked a blackout and gave birth to a litter of tourettes.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“Doctors, lawyers, and princes come and go. Oil money lasts forever.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“Well... don't tell anyone, but I've been getting a colonic every Saturday morning for the past two months. And I'm obsessed. It's like having anal sex but you lose weight instead of just feeling like a slut afterward”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“You know, when a guy is just dumb enough to make you feel smart, but not so dumb that he makes you feel dumb for dating him?”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“you will find a way to accept love. You will believe in yourself. You must believe that you can find love.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“During moments of uterine compromise, my presence on campus would put faculty and students at risk. Think Columbine, but in a Burberry trench.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“I wrote apology letters and made amends with some loved ones whom I’d slandered in the past, told a nurse with bad skin that she was smart, met my birth mother for the first time, taught myself sign language, and accepted that the real reason people hate each other is because they hate themselves.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“August 15, 2005 Today BW arrived 10 minutes early to her session and sat in the waiting room until it was her scheduled appointment time. When she came into my office she looked at me, said, “I can’t with you today,” and left.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

“Getting people’s coffee and being passive-aggressively bitched at all day are two things that aren’t in my skill set.”
― Babe Walker, Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book

“I also took up smoking Marlboro Reds and model-scowling at everyone to ensure that I would have no unwanted interactions. It worked, thank God.”
― Babe Walker, White Girl Problems