Dave Turner > Quotes

“Dave grimaced. 'Cheesecake for breakfast?'

'What's the problem? It's dairy and cereal. It's practically a bowl of cornflakes.”
― Dave Turner

“Every time you tell a lie an angel punches a unicorn in the face with a kitten.”
― Dave Turner

“I wouldn't call us henchmen.'
'Then what's m job title?'
Anne thought this over for a moment. 'Trainee With Afterlife Transition Senses.'
'That spells T.W.A.T.S'
'Does it?' Anne asked innocently.”
― Dave Turner, How To Be Dead Books 1 - 3

“Why did the chicken cross the road?' repeated Death.
Anne sipped her cup of tea. 'I visited a farm when I was a girl. Have you ever looked into the cold, unfeeling eyes of a chicken? Some things are best left unknown.”
― Dave Turner, How To Be Dead Books 1 - 3

“Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat?”
― Dave Turner

“used to be a werewolf, but I’m all right nooooooow,”
― Dave Turner, Near Life Experience

“They’re an angry, talented, useless, wonderful, feckless, beautiful, fickle, baffling species, but… Just be careful with them.”
― Dave Turner, Near Life Experience

“occurred to her that the only place different people could get along would be the afterlife. Only then could they realise they were all equal.”
― Dave Turner, Near Life Experience

“Or nipples. What was the point of them? You could press them as much as you’d like and nothing fun happened, such as the top of your head opening like a pedal-bin.”
― Dave Turner, Near Life Experience

“Being a grown up was rubbish, Dave decided.”
― Dave Turner

“Dave gazed at Melanie like Professor Brian Cox eyeing up a particularly thought-provoking mountain range.”
― Dave Turner

“The early years of the nineteen-eighties were a terrifying and desperate time to be alive. The world was entering a recession and governments slashed welfare budgets so they could treat themselves to a nice war every now and again. The United States and Soviet Union stockpiled ever more powerful weapons in a game of Thermonuclear Chicken. Duran Duran walked the Earth unopposed like some New Romantic behemoth.”
― Dave Turner, How To Be Dead Books 1 - 3