A. Lee Martinez > Quotes

“Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner

“Those who write are writers. Those who wait are waiters.”
― A. Lee Martinez

“When you cross over into the weird stuff, there's no going back. Hector has a theory on it. Calls it the law of 'Anomalous Phenomena Attraction.' He explained it to me once. Didn't really pay attention, but it boils down to 'weird shit pulls in more weird shit.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner

“Terrible errors are rarely made all at once. Usually they are performed one small misstep at a time.”
― A. Lee Martinez, A Nameless Witch

“I believe it was the great ogre philosopher Gary who observed that complexity is, generally speaking, an illusion of conscious desire. All things exist in as simple a form as necessity dictates. When a thing is labeled 'complex,' that's just a roundabout way of saying you're not observant enough to understand it.”
― A. Lee Martinez, In the Company of Ogres

“Being a good person is more than just not being a bad person.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Monster

“Death should take more care with his paperwork.”
― A. Lee Martinez, A Nameless Witch

“Ned passed the next few minutes quietly not dying in his office, and was pleased with how well it was going. He'd stayed alive longer, but now that he was concentrating on it, it felt more like an accomplishment.”
― A. Lee Martinez, In the Company of Ogres

“Mortal life is too short to be worried all the time.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Divine Misfortune

“To worry is to acknowledge that the world is unpredictable, and there is power in understanding one's own powerlessness at times. But too often worry takes on life of its own. Men are quite prone to this. They'll plague themselves with so many 'what if's and 'if only's that they soon forget to ponder the true possibilities before them. Which inevitably lead to poor decisions. Whatever happens will happen. Sometimes we have say over the future. Sometimes we don't. Either way, worrying alone never accomplishes anything.”
― A. Lee Martinez, A Nameless Witch

“Because life is complicated and difficult. Anyone who says otherwise hasn't truly lived.”
― A. Lee Martinez, A Nameless Witch

“The universe was filled with secrets, and he understood now that one of the biggest was that no one needed to know them all.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Monster

“In the middle of nowhere, along a quiet stretch of road, the diner dreamt of the hungry dead. And of two men.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner

“Humans... You want a nice warm hug from a cold, indifferent universe.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Chasing the Moon

“Your mistake, indeed the mistake of your inherently finite senses, is to view the universe as an extension of yourself. You expect that, like you, it should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. but what you fail to understand is that everything you consider to be you, except for that rather silly imaginary part you call consciousness, is merely bits and pieces borrowed from the universe, and to the universe it will all return. You had no beginning, and you will have no ending. Everything that is you has always been and will always be.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Monster

“We all carry many selves, but in the end, these are just phantoms of possibility, nothing more than ghosts of broken destinies.”
― A. Lee Martinez, A Nameless Witch

“Quiet descended, a silence so consuming that even the drafty corridors ceased whistling. Bog wasn't certain where to look, so he solved the problem by plucking out his eyes and sticking them in a drawer.”
― A. Lee Martinez, In the Company of Ogres

“But all memories, no matter how distant, no matter how distorted, have the shadow of truth underneath. Even the most imperfect memory is a window—”
― A. Lee Martinez, Divine Misfortune

“I lied, therefore I thought.”
― A. Lee Martinez, The Automatic Detective

“He gives me the hairy eyeball, and asks me to help him find his pancreas.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner

“Music has always been the greatest expression of mortal philosophy," continued Lucky. "The path to enlightenment is found in the lyrics of Spinal Tap.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Divine Misfortune

“To quote a great sage... answer unclear, try again later.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Helen and Troy's Epic Road Quest

“Rockwood didn't have a movie theater or an IHOP or a strip mall. But it did have two churches, a ramshackle bar, and last (but certainly not least) Wacky Willie's Deluxe Goofy Golf, a barren landscape of wilted ferns and plastic flamingos with peeling paint. Wacky Willie had added the 'Deluxe' when finally ridding the thirteenth hole windmill of a stubborn family of bats after a great and terrible struggle that would forever be known as 'The Fearsome Bat War of Rockwood County' by Willie, but was usually referred to as 'That Time Willie Had to Get Rabies Shots' by everyone else.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner

“Without limitations, how does one find satisfaction?”
― A. Lee Martinez, Emperor Mollusk versus The Sinister Brain

“Damn, some days I wished I'd been made a toaster.”
― A. Lee Martinez, The Automatic Detective

“A place that proves if you get enough talented people in a room, one or two are bound to offer some helpful advice. Kind if like monkeys with typewriters.”
― A. Lee Martinez

“Quiet fell upon the pickup and lasted for a little over nineteen minutes.
Is that why you hang around with him?", Loretta asked. "Cuz he saved your life?"

"Sort'a. I know Earl isn't always easy to get along with. Fact is, he can be a real pain the ass more often than not, but after you spend enough time with him, and you learn to ignore his personality, he's a pretty decent guy."

"If you say so.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner

“See, when something’s the right thing to do, you don’t do it for a reward.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Divine Misfortune

“The voice on the other end said, “Lord Mollusk, we’ve lost China.” “Define lost.” “It’s not there anymore, sir.” “Well, that’s no good, is it?” I said. “No, sir. We thought you should know.” “Yes, I’ll look into it. Mollusk out.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Emperor Mollusk versus the Sinister Brain

“Vance took the news of their "big-city fellows" status better than Philip. Probably because it turned out that he was actually gay.

"You're what?"

"Well, I'm not entirely sure," said Vance, "but I'd say it's seventy-thirty for it."

"But I've seen you with women."

"That would be the thirty part of the equation," said Vance as he sipped his coffee.

"Oh my God. That's why you agreed to do this with me. You think I'm gay, too!"

Vance chuckled. "Dude you're not gay."

"I know I'm not, but do you know I'm not?"

"I'd say ninety-two-eight on the straight side," said Vance.

"How the hell-"

"They've made some terrific advances in gaydar, dude.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Death's Excellent Vacation