Brandon Varnell > Quotes

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
― Brandon Varnell

“When people say that something is too hard, it's not because whatever they're trying to accomplish is too difficult, it's because they're looking for an excuse to give up.”
― Brandon Varnell

“To be a hero is to become a paradox. The very act of wanting to be a hero implies that you wish danger upon others in order to save them, for one cannot be a hero without needing someone to save.”
― Brandon Varnell

“My name is Lilian Pnév̱ma, but you may call me Lilly, or anything else you would prefer. However, I would be particularly pleased if you called me You Sexy Thing You.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Love

“When the road ahead gets tough, people tend to look back. They shouldn't. Even if the road is arduous, looking back is the same as feeling regret. Never regret where you came from or what road you took to get here.”
― Brandon Varnell

“Even I know that there are some places a man just isn’t meant to go, and that chick with the katana is one of them. Like the no-man’s land found in the center of the battlefield, the katana babe’s tittielicious body is a place no man can get close to without suffering a horrible death. I’ve seen it! One cannot grasp those heavenly mountains unless they want to get dumped in a ditch and watch helplessly as their life bleeds out of their broken bodies.”

“Wasn’t that the threat she used on him?” Andrew whispered to his brother.

“It was indeed.”

“Perverts beware! You’re in for a scare!”

“Dang it, Eric! Get down from there!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Maid

“To protect the world from douchebags everywhere.” “To defend the innocent with style and flair.” “To decimate idiots who think they’re all that.” “To kick their asses when they’re heads get too fat.” “Kevin.” “Lilian.” “Curb stomping jerks at the speed of sound.” “Surrender now or prepare to get your ass pounded into grass.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Hostility

“Really… you two…” Jasmine sniffled a few times and wiped her eyes before she recovered and took what Alex liked to call her “traditional rich girl pose.” She placed one hand on her hip, thrust out her chest, and placed her other hand near her mouth. “Oh ho ho ho! Very well, Alexander, Alice, I shall grace you both with my magnificent presence. Come, let us travel to your abode.” “Sure,” Alice said. “By the way, we’re watching Titan Girls.” “Oh ho! So, you are still into that childish show, are you? Would it not be better if we watched something more mature, such as—” “Titan Girls.” “Oh ho ho ho! Alice, you are such a kidder!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Most Unlikely Hero, Vol. 2

“I met Jasmine through her brother, James—an arrogant jerk who thinks that sunshine shoots from his ass because he’s rich.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Most Unlikely Hero

“The woman shifted her attention from Fellis to him. She blinked once. Then she smiled. “Oh, my. What a handsome young man,” she purred, her change shifting as though the sight of a male caused her entire emotional paradigm to change. “How would you like to come with me and—” She wasn’t able to say anymore. Because Jacob had just smashed his fist into her face. It was like a thunderclap, echoing across the vast plane. The air distorted where his fist connected with her left cheek, blasting out from the point of impact with a loud boom! What followed was the woman being launched off her feet and sent shooting backwards like a falling star. She slammed into the large earth pillar that she had created, blowing a hole straight through it and causing the entire thing to crumble like a house of cards. Jacob didn’t even bother looking to see if she was alive. He’d felt her neck snap with his punch. That combined with the impact when she hit that pillar meant there was little chance of her having survived.”
― Brandon Varnell, Journey of a Betrayed Hero: Volume 1

“Groom-to-be, are you alright?” asked a concerned Azazel as Alex clenched his fists, his eyes burning with determination akin to the undying flames of an arcane god. “All right!” Alex declared. “I can do this! No! I will do this! Nothing will stand in my way from keeping my promise! Hahahaha—BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!” As Alex laughed like a raging lunatic, Azazel backed away ever so slowly. Who knew humans could be so frightening?”
― Brandon Varnell, A Most Unlikely Hero, Vol. 2

“Kiara grinned at them. “Right. Before we infiltrate SOB headquarters, we all need to know the plan that we’re going to use to get in.” “Hold on. What’s SOB headquarters?” asked Kevin. “Sons of Bitches headquarters,” Kiara said proudly. “It’s what I’ve decided to call the Sons and Daughters of Humanity.” “Uh-huh.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's War

“Granny Morel—urk!” Alex choked when a sudden pressure threatened to strangle him. Was it just him, or were her eyes glowing a demonic red? “I-I mean, Auntie Morella.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Most Unlikely Hero, Vol. 2

“Is something wrong, Beloved?” Lilian asked, sitting beside him and munching on a bag of chips. “Naw.” Kevin dismissed his worry with a grin. “I’m just surprised that a tentacle monster hasn’t risen from the ocean and started randomly groping people.” A perfectly valid concern. “Don’t jinx it,” Lilian warned him. “Knowing the author as I do, he might very well decide to do that now that you’ve mentioned it.” Also a perfectly valid concern. Kevin’s eyes widened. “You’re right! With how cruel and sadistic he is, it wouldn’t surprise me if people started getting tentacle-raped for no reason.” I take offense to that. “Ugh,” Kevin groaned, “I really shouldn’t have opened my big mouth.” “What the hell are you two talking about?” asked Christine. “We’re talking about—” Kevin stopped talking. His eyes went through a series of rapid blinks, then he turned to Lilian. “What were we talking about again?” “Ha…” Lilian sighed in disappointment. “It seems the power is still weak in you.” “That’s because Kevin-sama is a human,” Kotohime interjected herself into the conversation. Kevin crossed his arms. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” “She’s talking about your ability to break the fourth wall,” Iris commented. She lay on her side, traces of sand clinging erotically to her still wet skin, which glistened in the sunlight. Kevin shook his head. How does she make everything look so freaking sexy? “Indeed.” Kotohime nodded. “I suspect that the only reason Kevin-sama is even capable of doing this much is because of his exposure to kitsune.” Lilian tilted her head before nodding. “That makes sense. So, does that mean that Kevin would lose his ability to break the fourth wall if we stopped living with him?” “Stop talking about me like I’m not even here!” “Probably. After all, Kevin-sama is just a human.” “What’s that supposed to mean?!” “Ufufufu, nothing at all, Kevin-sama.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Vacation

“About an hour or so after I opened the library, people began coming in. Our library was quite popular. While part of the reason was because we were one of only four libraries in Nevaria, I believed a bigger reason was because news had spread that Kari often frequented this place. It had officially become common knowledge. Several of those people who’d come to the library fled after the snake suddenly dropped down from the rafters and flicked its tongue at them. I bopped the thing on the head after this happened several times, then gave it a stern lecture, but that didn’t seem to deter it. At some point, I just couldn’t take anymore and tried to pull the thing from the rafters. “You’re being a pest! Get down now!” The snake hissed. “Don’t take that tone with me! I told you to behave yourself, and you didn’t! Your rafter privileges have been revoked!”
― Brandon Varnell, WIEDERGEBURT: Legend of the Reincarnated Warrior 1

“Well, it’s not like I care,” Durandal said cheerfully before dismissing the whole matter for something more important. “By the way, did I ever tell you about the three little old ladies?” Here we go again. “No, you haven’t.” “Kekeke. Well, three old crones were sitting on a park bench feeding the birds, when a man comes by and flashes them all. The first two little old ladies had a stroke, but the third couldn’t quite reach.” A moment of silence passed in the room. Jacob waited, expecting to hear the “badum tish!” of a drum. When nothing happened, he shook his head. “Those are the lamest dirty jokes I’ve ever heard in my life.”
― Brandon Varnell, Journey of a Betrayed Hero: Volume 1

“Now, then, raise your wand above your head and repeat after me,” Lilian said. Lindsay raised her wand high above her head. “I am the one who has been given a mission.” I can’t believe I’m doing this. “I am… the one who has been given a mission.” “Under the contract, release those powers unto me.” “Under… under the contract, release those powers unto me.” “The powers of love, friendship, and yuri.” This is so embarrassing. “The powers of love, friendship, and yuri. Wait. What’s yuri?” “Moon Prism Power: Activate!” “Moon Prism—wait a minute! You stole that last line from Sailor Moon!” “So? Every other line was stolen from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha—except that one about love, friendship, and yuri. That one was mine,” Lilian said, her chest puffing up with pride. “Don’t look so proud of yourself!” Lindsay spat. “Ufufufu.” “Stop laughing!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Mission

“I need to calm down before I regret something. I know! Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Eric’s dad in a speedo. U-ugh, I think I just permanently scarred myself!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“As Kevin pampered the cat, he realized that he needed to return home. Slowly, and with great reluctance, Kevin stopped petting the cat, which “nya’d” in complaint and tried to get his attention again. “Nya?” “I’m sorry.” Kevin struggled not to be blinded by the cuteness as he looked into the cat’s eyes. “But I really need to go.” “Nya?” “D-don’t look at me like that. I have… I need to leave. We’re planning a trip, so…” “Nya?” “Those eyes won’t… they won’t work on me. I’ve already been subject to them once. I won’t succumb again.” The cat tilted its head. Kevin squealed like a little girl who’d just been touched by her favorite pop idol. “Kya! So adorable!” He scooped the cat into his arms. The cat didn’t seem to mind. “I’m sure it’ll be fine if I take you home with me.” “Nya,” the cat mewled, seemingly in agreement.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Vacation

“Good idea,” Iris started before frowning. “I just have one question.” “What’s that?” Kevin asked. “How are we going to get to the distribution center?” Kevin blinked. Then he looked at his car—his totaled car, which looked more like scrap metal than a car. He looked back at everyone else, who watched the emotions flickering across his face in rapid succession. In a situation like this, Kevin could only think of one thing to say. “Hawa.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Hostility

“I think my eyes were a little dead as I walked through the streets. I didn’t sleep at all last night. The entire night had been spent refining pills, which wasn’t exhausting, but this body of mine wasn’t used to pulling all-nighters. I might have been able to do that in the past… in my previous life before I was sent back to the past I mean. However, it seemed I wasn’t capable of it right now. “I should create an energy pill,” I muttered. “I’ll call it Red Bull Booster Pill.”
― Brandon Varnell, WIEDERGEBURT: Legend of the Reincarnated Warrior 2

“Lilian leaned in and pressed her lips against his. Kevin accepted the kiss, welcomed it even—despite the fact that they were in public and it was kind of embarrassing. He was beginning to get used to her public displays of affection. “Huhuhu.” Heather giggled in a most perverse manner. “Eric was right. This kid is solid gold! Gold, I tell you! Huhuhu! Camellia expressed her confusion at the lecherous woman’s words in the only way she knew how. “Hawa?” Exactly.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“He looked down again. He was completely exposed. Alex took a deep breath, counted down to ten in his head, and then opened his mouth… … and screamed so loud that it echoed across the entire theme park.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Most Unlikely Hero, Vol. 7

“I don’t know who you’re after,” Kevin started, staring at the inu, “but I can almost bet that, whatever your intentions toward her are, they’re not good.” Kevin charged his gun again. “Unless you can give me a good reason to let you go, you’re not going anywhere.” The inu’s eyes narrowed. “Are you picking a fight with me, boy?” Kevin pondered the question only for a moment… “Yes. Yes, I am,” he said. … and then he fired off several more rounds.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Mission

“Is that so?” Kevin rolled onto his back and stared up at the tree ceiling, counting the rings in the wood. Pondering her words, he eventually gave a chuckle. “Maybe I’m a half-yokai.” “Please don’t joke like that, Beloved,” Lilian stated flatly. “That would be a terrible plot device.” “You think so?” “I know so.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's War

“Wow….” Lilian whispered. “It’s so big.” “That’s what she said―ouch!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Those two are going to be our entertainment tonight, meow,” the man said, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “They have so graciously volunteered themselves, and so it would be rude not to accept their offer, meow. You may kill the boy, but bring the girl to me alive. You know how much I love to entertain the ladies, meow.” Kevin was not one for swearing. However, in that moment, only one phrase came to mind that he believed could adequately describe what he felt just then. “Fuck me sideways.” Despite their situation, Iris’s eyes gleamed. “With pleasure.” “Quiet, you!” “Tch!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Rescue

“Dante said before chuckling. “Then again, I’m kind of lazy when it comes to training myself. I’d rather stay in bed if I could.”
― Brandon Varnell, WIEDERGEBURT: Legend of the Reincarnated Warrior 4

“Eryk, I have been trying not to say anything, but…” Before I could decide whether or not it was appropriate to tease her, Kari suddenly spoke. I looked at her. However, she was not looking at me. Her eyes were looking up, at the snake lounging against the rafters. “Why is there a snake in the library?” she asked. I looked up at the snake, which seemed to sense me staring at it and looked down. Its tongue flicked out of its mouth. Then it went back to lounging like an indulgent pet. “I would like to know that as well,” I muttered, my shoulders slumping in a miserable and dejected manner.”
― Brandon Varnell, WIEDERGEBURT: Legend of the Reincarnated Warrior 1

“Making dinner was difficult that night. Ryoko was useless in the kitchen. She didn’t know a spatula from a fork, and to make matters worse, their hands were still stuck together, so Kazekiri was left with only one hand to do everything. Giving instructions to Ryoko didn’t work either. Kazekiri didn’t know if the girl was purposefully sabotaging her efforts, but after the wretched corruptor of order did the impossible and somehow lit water on fire, Kazekiri decided to do everything herself.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Most Unlikely Hero, Vol. 6